Today Giggles and I volunteered at Geetle’s school for their Walk-a-thon. Each class (preK-6) was to walk around the perimeter of the building 5 times. My job was to keep them on the sidewalk and out of the parking lot on the side of the building. As the kids filed by, I waved to those that I knew. I responded to each one that said how cute Giggles was. I told them her name and how old she was. I made chit chat with the teachers as their groups walked by my post. As I did so, I could not help imagining how my kids would look in these groups. What would Pookie, Geetle and Giggles look like as 1st graders? 3rd graders? 6th graders! Would they be the gregarious one skipping with their friends or the sullen one dragging behind the teacher?
I studied the groups and picked out little clicks. I saw three 4th grade girls pretty much dressed alike and knew they were the trendy girls; the girls that I think would peer pressure a nice girl like Geetle. I saw 4th grade boys who would rather walk closer to the 1st grade group than their 4th grade female classmates. Boys who think “fart”, “retard” and “balls” are 3 prety good words to pepper into just about any setence. And I saw awkward outsiders, walking with their heads down. I saw what would be Pookie’s class if he was in 3rd,4th or 5th grade. His modified learning classroom is grades K-3 and is housed at another school. But here at Geetle’s school they have a modified learning classroom for grades 3-5. This group intrigued me the most.
At first, I thought “Oh No! Pookie would not fit in with this group! They are quiet and well-behaved, not a single one of them seems to fit the Special Ed stereotype. No one is echoing, no one is flapping their hands, no one is stopping to pick dandelions. Pookie is **too** Special Ed for this group.” It made me sad. I have huge turmoil about the whole Special Ed thing. I want him to get a quality education including social and emotional skills….whatever that means. But I am always unsure whether that means Special Ed, Modified Learning Program or a regular classroom. There is no real way to know that you made the right decision. There is also the emotional burden of wanting your child to be in the “best” category. Do we want him to be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond? Better to be the smartest kid in Special Ed or the dumbest kid in the regular classroom? Better to be happy with your peers or unhappy in a group of those who are higher on some archaic, stereotyped, popularity and coolness food chain? Better to be “just one of the guys” in a Special Ed classroom or “the weird kid” in a regular classroom?
I don’t know. This is one of those posts were I just type out the random thoughts in my head. I have no answers. But I am telling myself that these are the facts:
1. There are alot of kinds of kids; I saw many kinds today.
2. Sometimes kids in the “good” group are unhappy and awkward and sometimes kids in the “bad” group are not, and vice versa.
3. Your experiences as a child do shape your adulthood. But all in all, your school years account for 15% of your life. Geeks grow up just fine. Princesses and Cool kids can turn into losers and meanies as adults.
4. I need to keep my emotions out of Pookie’s head.
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