You could have just said that in the first place.

We are working on some very important life skills with Pookie. Lately, the theme of the lessons can be boiled down to “If you ask nicely, we will probably say yes.” Pookie has had some major meltdowns over the past week, all related to him breaking away to do his own thing, us grabbing him and telling him that running away is naughty and where was he going? Most of the time, we know where he is going. I know what he likes and I know where he is heading, but that is not the point. The point is that he cannot wander away without a casual “Hey mom, I am going to go check out that gumball machine, I’ll be back in 5.”

We have had some major disagreements about this topic, but things are getting better. In chronological order:

1. At the bowling alley last Saturday- he spotted some pool tables across the room. We are not stupid…we saw them too and we know how much he like to roll pool balls across Papaw’s pool table. He waited until he thought our guard was down and off he runs! BAGD snatches him from midair and calmly asks him where he is going. A nearly 2 hour meltdown ensues.

2. At the dinner table mid week - he wanted to leave the table to get a certain toy. We don’t allow toys at the table and make everyone stay until we are all done eating. He makes at least a dozen attempts to bolt from his chair. We catch him by the shirt each time. The meltdown lasts until dinner is over, about 30 minutes.

3. At Mamaw’s house, yesterday - Pookie finds a train missing its engine. Knowing what I know, I have reason to believe he thinks the engine is in Mamaw’s car. I remain silent. Eventually, Pookie runs for the front door and tries to get outside to the driveway. BAGD stops him. Meltdown countdown begins. I kneel behind Pookie and try to make the echolalia work in our favor. I mutter to BAGD “ask him where he is going” BAGD does. I whisper in Pookie’s ear “I want the train from Mamaw’s car.” He repeats it to BAGD. BAGD says to Pookie “Do you want to go outside and find the train?” I whisper in Pookie’s ear “Yes, can I go outside and look for the train?” He repeats to BAGD. BAGD says yes and they walk outside together. No real meltdown. Strangely enough, there was no train engine in the car, but Pookie was OK with that, as long as he got to a thorough search. They came back into the house, with no engine, but he was then happy to play with the rest of the train by itself.

4. At home today - Pookie really wants to go somewhere in the car…anywhere. Instead of telling me this. He opens the front door (which we have a chain lock on) and dangles his leg through the crack in the door, looking over at me, waiting for me to scold him. I walk up to the door and ask him what he is doing. I see the look in his eyes, that split second where he is deciding whether to let out a blood curdling scream and start the meltdown or whether to say something coherent. He says to me “I want to go in Mama’s car.” OK, where, I ask. He says the Mall. Off to the Mall we go. No real meltdown.

I must say, it feels weird to “reward” him for dangling his leg out the front door, when my first instinct is to make opening the front door with out permission be a level 2 naughty chair offense. But, we have decided to work on something more elemental first. We are working on expressing your desires, asking for what you want, negotiating, making a deal. There will be times in his life when a meltdown is probably called for, but we are trying to help him see that not every situation calls for one. He is learning.

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