What can you do for parents of a Special Needs child?

1. Babysit or just take the kids out. We tend to trust our SN kids with people who we know understand them. That eliminates alot of cheap and readily available babysitters. Some SN kids would do best with a night at home, but some would do well with an adventure out and about with a trusted friend or relative. And it gives the parents a break, while feeling no guilt from “dumping” their kids with a cold babysitter.

2. Come to visit THEM, on their turf. Its alot of work to pack up any kids and take them on an outing to a relative’s house, but its more work for a SN family. We have to worry about wandering, unfamiliar pets, upset routines, missed bedtimes, chaos that we cannot control because its not our house. So, please, come to see us once in a while, rather than inviting us to your house all the time. We do love to come to your house, but not everytime.

3. Think ahead. If you are in a position to help financially, you might consider it. Raising a SN child costs more, its the simple truth. Therapies, developmental toys, modified equipment and such costs money. These costs do not taper off or end in adolescence/young adulthood. They get bigger. If you are considering buying your grandkids each a go-cart. Ask the parents of the SN child if they think a session of camp or summer tutoring might be more beneficial in the long run. Then let the kids share the other go-cart.

4. Recognize the extra work the parents put in each and every day. Don’t be patronizing or baby them. Just quietly and firmly establish that you know and understand. That goes a long way.

5. Know the family’s goals and strategies for the child. Understand how to use the PECS cards. Know how to ignore undesirable behavior. Understand why there can be NO M&Ms in the Easter baskets (unless someone pees in the potty.)

6. Treat all the children in the family the same.

7. Don’t assume that the parents are actively involved in “Cure this” and “Walk forThis” events. Some of us are just trying to get through the day. We are glad that there are people out there trying to cure and walk. But when you are living your life on the front lines, it is hard to spend time looking for a cure that will help someone else in 30 years. Being on the front lines means you don’t always have time for the long term investment. We would love for you to fight for a cure, because we do think its important, but we do not always have the time or emotional energy to help you.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Melitsa of play-activities June 25, 2007 at 4:29 pm: Thanks for this….it really made me think of my family and if we do enough. Finally some practical advice that I can use instead of feeling useless.
beagoodmom June 26, 2007 at 8:16 am: I forgot a really important one:
Recognize the extra work that the child puts in every day too.
Kathee July 14, 2007 at 7:36 pm: Thank you for stating number 6. Biggest complaint I have with family and friends about my SN 16 year old is she has feelings like everyone else and she knows when she’s being treated differently than every one else. Can you also add ‘treat them their age when they know it’. My daughter knows she’s the oldest and hates being treated like the youngest (7 years old).
beagoodmom July 14, 2007 at 8:58 pm: That’s a good point. You’ll see alot of posts on this blog, and my husband’s, which revolve around the fact that no one should label or limit a child (any child) based on some perceived difference, real or not. Which one of my kids spells better…the one with autism. Which one NEVER forgets to flush…the one with autism. Which one helps unload the dishwasher…they both do.

People mean well, but they don’t always feel comfortable expecting too much from a child. No one wants to be the one to set a child up for failure. No one wants to be the person who buys the puzzle for a birthday gift and then finds out that its too hard and the kid can’t do it. But, I say, give them the hard puzzle. I would much rather have you set the bar too high than insult my kids. Other parent’s might disagree, but that’s when the outsider really has to take their cues from the parent. If the parent pushes the child then you can too.

What can you do for parents of a Special Needs child?

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