When we went out to dinner for my birthday recently, we sat near another family who had a 4 year old and a 1 year old. The kids seemed to be well-behaved. I did not really even notice them until I heard the following:

Mom: Should I call Grandpa and tell him to come pick you up?

4 year old: mumble mumble

Mom: Ok, well if you are going to be naughty I will just call him to come take you home. (picking up cell phone and dialing) Grandpa? Can you come pick Maya up? She needs to go home, she is not behaving. OK, we will see you in 5 minutes.

4 year old: mumble mumble

10 minutes or so passes. I do not really hear any trouble coming from the table. But then:

Mom: OH! Look at that! I just saw Grandpa’s car out front. He is coming in here to take you home because you cannot behave.

4 year old: mumble mumble. Ha Ha.

Although this exchange is comical, this mother was NOT joking. So, by now, I am figuring out that Grandpa is not coming. She never really called him. I bet the 4 year old figured it out before I did. What kind of parenting is that!? Number one, the kid never fell for it, only me. Number two, how is that fair to Grandpa, to be looked upon as The Enforcer? Number three, while its a creative threat, its alot more work than just standing up, taking the kid by the hand, walking them to the lobby and explaining that they will NOT be coming back to the table unless they behave. If they continue to misbehave, then either Mom or Dad asks for a doggy bag and takes the kid out to the car and eats their dinner while the little stinker fumes in the carseat.

Moral of the Story: Never make a threat you are not prepared to enforce. Don’t get too creative with your punishments because they may be logistically impossible to carry out. Keep it simple.

A picture of my well-behaved kids:

If I had a picture of that Maya, I would put it here too. I don’t think she was misbehaving. The Olive Garden would not have put wine glasses on the table and wheels on the chairs if they did not expect a little bit of horseplay. Any restaurant that has a basket of crayons at the hostess stand expects a bit of nonsense from the younger clientele. I think Maya’s mom was having a bad day. Maya seemed to be doing OK, in my opinion.