Yesterday I took the Kids to the Morton Arboretum. I will post some pictures of that soon; they had a lot of fun. While we were there, we had a small dilemma and a great outcome. Let me explain.
Pookie is getting too old to follow me into the women’s bathroom; its confusing to him. He is old enough to go into the Men’s by himself and come back out. Geetle is also old enough to go into the Women’s alone and come back out. And Giggles is still young enough that I can change her diaper in a quiet hallway, while she lays in the stroller, usually while I am waiting for Pookie and Geetle to come out of their bathrooms. So, we have it all covered. There should be no problem with the 4 of us making a bathroom stop in public. Pookie goes into the men’s. Geetle goes into the women’s. Giggles and I wait in the hallway between the two. Perfect.
Unless I have to go too.
Then what? Do I rush in, squeeze Giggles and myself into a stall, go, then try to rush back out before Pookie gets out of the Men’s? I have tried that. It works, but poor Geetle is left scrambling, trying to keep up with me, or she feels like I am abandoning her in the Women’s bathroom and Pookie, Giggles and I are halfway to the car before she gets done.
Do I send Geetle into the Women’s first, while Pookie/Giggles/I wait in the hall, then when she is done, tell her to wait in the hall and watch Pookie while I go in to the women’s? That would work, but its not right to have my 6 year old daughter “babysit” her twin brother. We go to great lengths to make sure we do not give Pookie and Geetle the idea that she is the boss and he is the baby.
Sometimes there is a family bathroom and we all go in together. But those are not available everywhere.
Usually, I send Pookie into the Men’s, Geetle into the Women’s, Giggles gets a diaper change in the hall and that’s it. I usually have to go too, but I can hold it. Its just one of my many environmental adaptations that makes me a mother.
Yesterday at the Arboretum, that was not an option. We all brought water bottles and had done a pretty good job at staying hydrated while we walked the trails. Yeah for us. But it forced us to make a change to our usual plan.
There happened to be a bench in the bathroom hallway. I told Pookie to go into the bathroom and then wait on the bench. Precisely, this was our conversation (I include this here for educational purposes, because it shows how we explain things like this to Pookie, first/then is a concept he learned in school and does very well with.)
BAGM: Pookie, go to the bathroom, then wait on the bench for Mom. First bathroom, then wait on bench.
BAGM: First bathroom, then……
Pookie: then wait on bench.
BAGM: Ok, first bathroom, then wait on bench. Go ahead.
Off he ran into the Men’s bathroom. Off I ran into the Women’s bathroom, with Giggles and Geetle in tow. Feeling somewhat confident in my plan, I actually changed Giggles’ diaper in there too. Geetle and I both went and then we returned to the hall.
There sat Pookie. On the bench. Swinging his feet back and forth.
I am still uneasy about this sort of thing, but I feel like this shows how far he has come and that he will continue to make progress in this area. I love it when we come up against stupid everyday issues and find a way around them. Pookie is growing up and we have to find ways to handle this sort of thing. Someday he will be old enough for me to leave in the car while I go inside the grocery store to get a gallon of milk. I can’t imagine that right now. But someday I will find a way to trust that he will wait for me. That he will not get out and dance thru the parking lot. That he will not play with the emergency flashers or steering wheel. We will get there. I know it.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
what about sending in pookie and geetle in at the same time, waiting outside for them, then when they are BOTH done, tell them to stay on the bench TOGETHER while you take giggles in with you. That way nobody is babysitting anybody but also nobody is alone.
That would work, except when I have to go Geetle pulls the old “I am scared” number and refuses to go in by herself. Insisting she go in with me. If I am not careful, she squeezes in the stall with me too. It annoys me, since she goes alone other times. But that is a whole other issue to work on. The best way around it now is to go in at the same time as Geetle, or not at all.
Not to sound totally cavalier, since I don’t know anything about Pookie other than what you write here, but I think he sounds like a boy who likes for things to be done the right way; I wouldn’t think that a stranger could convince him to just walk off with them, because he would know that is not the way things work. Of course, that is just total speculation, since I don’t know him, but it sounds like he will do just fine, even if he does have to wait a bit.
You are probably right, and I thank you for pointing it out and reminding me. But as his mother I can’t get to a comfort place with that. Not yet, at least. I am working on it. Success stories like this help me get closer every day.
I know what you mean, even without kids; I take care of a 1 year old during the day and am constantly paranoid when she naps for longer than usual or letting her toddle around the house while I run to the bathroom for 5 seconds …in my heart, I know she will be fine, but there is always that one little part of me that says “well what if?”
On another note, I think I am going to start my “strip quilt” tonight…I hope it turns out as nice as Geetle’s did!