Great news!
Pookie is becoming a real butt when it comes to sharing! He refuses to do it. He yells “MINE!” or “I had it first!”. Yesterday at the library he even body-checked a kid to keep him from taking the toy he wanted. Then he got a note home from school about refusing to share with Yasmine. His first naughty-note home. BAGD and I are so proud!
No really, we are.
You don’t get it. Pookie used to show no opinions, he would play with whatever you gave him. If another kid took something away from him, he would just walk away. He never considered anything to be his. He failed to interact with other children on that most basic level, co-play. He was a pushover and really did not care or know that he could/should care.
Now, he is becoming more assertive. He is beginning to understand his place in life and that he has a voice. He is more independent and thinks he is hot stuff. He is sometimes stubborn, just because he knows he can be. Its a new weapon in his arsenal and he is testing it out. He is refusing to share because he has an idea in his head about the game he wants to play and what he needs to do it. He has an internal PLAY PLAN (that is a big preschool buzz word…ask your teacher!). When someone else interferes, he evaluates and decides that is not acceptable. Then he acts. Wow, that’s like a 4 step battle plan, enacted in just a few seconds!
Aunt Kel bought him an apple juice last week and he refused it, saying he wanted a hot chocolate instead. He prefers blue shirts. He likes markers, not colored pencils. With Autism, this is sometimes a bad thing, it can lead to rigidity and inability to deal with change. But in Pookie, these seem to be natural development. He will use colored pencils if its the only option, but he will probably ask me once for the markers instead. He will wear anything I put out for him, but if he gets to pick, its a blue shirt. He only busted Aunt Kel’s hump on the apple juice because she said hot chocolate was an option. When he did not respond, she defaulted to apple juice. He then changed his mind.
So, while we regret that he is being “naughty” and not sharing, we are excited that he gives a damn. Think of your own kids, how excited were you the first time the younger sibling (probably 18-24 months old) stood up to the older sibling when he/she took a toy away? That’s where we are with Pookie right now. We will teach him how to share; he’ll pick it up. But we are not at all upset about where he is right now. Its development and that is all we look for.
Next we will work on caring for others and respecting their ideas and play plans. Empathy is hard to learn and it will take him some time. But it starts with learning to share. Learning to share starts with not wanting to in the first place. We also need to work on helping him express himself correctly. Today I heard him say the following:
- Mine, I had it Share!
- Its my first turn!
- Take turns, you share!
So, it seems that he knows the language, but is having a hard time stringing it together in the heat of the moment.
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That’s a great step forward. Peer interaction is always a struggle, but you have to start somewhere. The more experiences he gets, the more information he will have to use in those situations. Our son has Aspergers and just recently reached up a step at school.
Keep it up.