The person who gave us a stack of these cards meant well, I know they did. They also have a young child with autism and I guess this is something they do. It is not something we do. Apparently, we can pass these cards out to people who we feel may have been inconvenienced or disturbed by Pookie’s behavior in public.

I get it. I do. But I do not agree with it. First of all, its very passive-aggresive. If there is a situation in which Pookie (or any of my kids) hurts someone, damages property or something equally serious, I (we) will talk to that person directly and apologize. If you have the nerve to be offended by my child, pass judgment and then actually confront me with what you think are his “issues”, then you had better have the nerve to hear me out when I answer back. (don’t believe me? see this post.)

Second, and most importantly, this is unnecessary. Regardless of how he acts, we do not owe someone an explanation or apology…unless Pookie crosses that line which all members of society have to abide by. Unless he actually hurts someone or their property, we do not need to justify his behavior.

Third, the wording on this particular card is offensive to me. “If this is the first time autism has touched your life, be grateful…” I hate things like this. Autism is no walk in the park. But phrases like this leave no room for optimism. No room for hope. They invite pity, not understanding.

Pookie’s behavior in public is generally good. When it is not, he can get by on his age and good looks. People expect less from a 4 year old, in general. And he is darn cute. But as he grows older, I still think we will find these cards unnecessary. I realize that other children/adults with autism may find public situations more challenging. But, I encourage the parents of those children and the children themselves to live their lives, owing an explanation to no one. Don’t apologize for who your kids are. Educate those who ask, but don’t make excuses for your child. You making an excuse for your child is no better than the rash judgment passed by that stranger.