Did you hear about the Orlando Fl woman who was caught on videotape spraying her toddler in a carwash, as a form of punishment?  Its wrong. Totally wrong. Physically abusive and dangerous.
But what about the 16 year old caught driving 100 mph whose mother forced him to stand along the highway with sign stating what he had done? Right or wrong?  Not physically abusuive, but is it emotionally abusive?
Where is the line? For me, I think its OK to punish your kids, but not with emotional or physical abuse. Yes, you can make them walk back into the 7-11 and apologize to the manager for stealing a pack of gum. But you can’t make them stand in front of the store with a sign that says “I Steal.” Yes, you can take away the car if the kid refuses to pick up little sister at ballet practice. But you can’t make them go to school in her tutu.
I recall several reports recently about parents making their kids hold up signs in front of stores or putting ads on Craigslist/Ebay selling the toys of ungrateful children. When did public shame become the best way to discipline your kid? If you raise your kid right, they should be more affected by knowing **YOU** think they messed up, than if all the cars that drive past the KFC know.  Think about it.
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Rachel said,
March 15, 2008 @ 6:02 pm
I don’t agree with selling the toys of children that misbehave. First of all, I don’t believe that they learn anything from that. The toy is gone, they’re sad and embarrassed…and haven’t learned anything at all…I think a much better alternative would be to take away the toy, and then have them “earn” it back, by doing extra things around the house, etc. I’m not sure how I feel about the teenager who was made to hold the sign…he could have killed himself or someone else, so I guess I don’t think it was awful. I would never do that to a younger child, but for a cocky teenager, I think it might just do the trick. I don’t think he’ll be caught speeding again anytime soon. That being said, if parents are going to punish their children in that manner, I think the crime must fit the punishment…going over 100 mph on the highway? I think so. Writing on a page in a library book and then having to stand outside the library holding a sign saying “I vandalized public property”? No, of course not. I just think it varies according to the kid and what they did.
Bob said,
April 14, 2008 @ 11:13 am
I just saw the email of the mom making her 13-year-old stand in front of the store holding a sign saying “I steal . . . I want to be with Daddy in prison.” I googled it and your blog popped up. I’m a father of three and I’m an attorney. At work I have dealt with teenagers who have committed crimes. I firmly believe in holding children accountable for their actions (in a positive and nurturing way).
I think if a teenager is getting caught up in a bad lifestyle, a parent has every right to discipline them publicly if that is what it will take to hold that teen accountable. It may not be appropriate in every situation. But in a situation where the teen’s dad is in prison? I think in that situation grounding them or punishing them privately is just not enough to shock them into realizing they did wrong. That’s usually the problem these days: kids don’t have enough discipline to even know they did wrong in the first place. Why? Because of lazy parenting. Disciplining children is hard work that never ends. Most Americans have become lazy, so most American children are spoiled brats with no discipline. Simple.
I don’t agree with physical abuse, either. But I don’t think an appropriately placed spanking is physical abuse. Hitting your kid in the head: Abuse=Bad. Spanking your child lightly on the rear: Discipline=Good. How is the subject of a spanking relevant to the sign punishment? Stay with me for a minute…
Think about spankings: It’s not the pain from the spanking that disciplines the child; it’s the shock that Mommy or Daddy, who loves them so much, would do something like spank them. When I spank my children (as a last resort) it never physically hurts them, because I pull my hand back right before contact with their rear end. I never use a belt or a paddle because I don’t agree with that.
It simply serves as a last resort. Telling them to stop didn’t work. Putting them in the corner didn’t work. So to emotionally let them know I’m disappointed, that they did wrong, and shock them into paying attention, I spank them lightly on the butt. My kids are very well behaved and well adjusted. The ratio of hugs to spankings they get is about a million to one.
I just recently had an anti-spanking friend change their views because her kid had no discipline at all and she saw how my wife and I, by strategically using spanking, had very well behaved kids overall. You spank as a last resort, then you let them think about it, and then you hug and kiss them and explain what happened and why. Very effective, I don’t care what anyone else thinks because I know from experience it works positively. Spanking is not supposed to be painful; it’s just supposed to shock them. That’s the value of it.
So where is this going?
Equate spanking for a pre-schooler to the mom who puts the sandwich board on her teenager and makes him stand in front of a store telling the public he’s a thief. It’s not to shame or humiliate; it’s shock value that, in my opinion, is valuable for a teen (who’s at the age when they think the whole world is watching their every move). If she makes him stand out there, then afterwards tells him, “Look, I love you. I just wanted you to think about what you did and force you to publicly admit you did wrong. That way next time you’ll think more than twice about pocketing something that’s not yours to pocket.”
I think more parents with wayward teens should do what these parents are doing. But when they do, people such as yourself disagree with it and make those parents feel like they are abusing their children.
I respect your opinion and appreciate your blog, but on this aspect I mostly disagree with you.