Be A Good Mom

I did not want to jinx it, so I waited to write about the final chapter in Pookie’s bus drama.  But here is what has happened lately.

About 10 days ago- he was reading his “No Standing on the Bus” sign every day and seeming to get it.  But then one day took off his seatbelt, stood on the bus seat and jumped up and down.  BAD.

About 9 days ago- School district says he has to wear some device to keep him in the seat.  We agreed.  We were not against using the integrated carseat or harness, only against having it be the first thing and not giving him the chance to learn how to behave and see the consequences of his behavior.  We agreed to the integrated carseat, which has a chest and crotch buckle. 

About 8 days ago- off to school in the integrated carseat.  5 minutes into the trip, he lets himself out of the carseat by undoing the chest and crotch buckles.  If you have kids in carseats, you know that this was quite a feat, but he did it.  By the time the bus driver stops the bus, he is back in his seat FULLY BUCKLED.  This clearly shows that he knows the difference between right and wrong in this scenario.  BAGD and I are now fully ready to harness him.  He is just being naughty.  Autism is not a free ride, you still have to follow the rules….especially those that you understand!

About 7 days ago- The Bus Driver says, ” I think he is bored.  Can he read a book on the bus?”  I thought they had rules against that.  She says they do, but they will make an exception for him.

About 6 days ago- Pookie is off to school with an extra large copy of “The Adventures of Curious George.”  He behaves on the bus.

About 5 days ago- his book is “Tibor Gergely’s Big Red Story Book.”  No problems on the bus.

About 4 days ago- Usborne’s Book of First Experiences.  The Executive Director of the district preschool program calls me to discuss our situation.  Oh boy.  Our district is the second largest in the state.  That is like you getting a speeding ticket and the governor calling to see what happened.    I told her where we were and that it had worked for a few days.  She is a very nice woman and said she hoped things continued, but if not…….

About 3 days ago- The Complete Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. 

About 2 Days ago- The Complete Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.

Yesterday- Big Bird the Babysitter.

Today- ?

I hope we have reached a milestone here.  He has not misbehaved since he started taking a book on the bus.  Coincidence?  Temporary Solution?  Really, there is no way to know for sure, but I *feel* this is it.  Yesterday, he and I went out on the porch to wait for the bus.  he had Big Bird the Babysitter under his arm.  I offered to read it.  He said “No, read book on the bus.”  I said, come on, I will read it while we wait.  I grabbed the book and opened it.  He snatched it back, closed the cover and said “NO.  Read book on the bus.”

So, there you go.  Read book on the bus.

Pookie had trouble on the bus again last week.  On Day 2 of using his homemade seat belt cover, he thwarted it.  He stood up, moved around the bus and eventually made his way to the emergency door where he tried to do the bus driver a favor and “lock” what appeared to be an “unlocked” slidebolt.  Problem is, that slidebolt lock is something they do at night for lockdown of the bus.  If you “lock” it while the bus is “on” the alarms go off.  So…that is what happened.

This was Friday onthe way to school.  They let him come home on the bus and he behaved himself perfectly.  But they said the harness was coming out on Monday.  I called and pled our case again.  He needs to be taught how to behave on the bus.  Let me teach him.  They said they would work with us. 

I asked to ride on the bus for a week.  They said no.

I asked for a bus aide.  They said no.

I asked for him to be switched to another bus where some other kid already has a bus aide.  They said no.

They did agree to give him a bus aide for 2 days, let me tape signs to his seat reminding him to sit, and tape a “STOP” sign on the emergency door to remind him not to touch it.

BAGD and I also did more research on a seat belt cover.  The technology exists.  You can easily buy one for your car at Amazon.  The problem is that the bus seat belts are the old fashioned kind, with the button in the center of the buckle, not on the side.  Think 1980’s Chevy Truck. 

We finally found one at Perfectly Safe.com  that will fit the old fashioned seat belts, namely bus seats.  It was cheap, $5.95, but to overnight two of them here put the bill at $57.  If Pookie ever wins a coloring contest at the mall and the prize is $10…its mine.  I also intend to make him share the Culver’s Gift Cards that Great Grandpa gives him every year with me until his debt is paid. 

He rode the bus Monday and Tuesday this week so far, and it has been fine.  I think that the reminder signs taped to the seat will be the best solution.  He knows how to behave, he does.  He just needs reminders and an understanding of why and what the consequences are. 

Now, everyday we talk about the bus rules before he gets on the bus.  I tape the sign to the seat and we ask him about it every day when he gets home.  We hope it continues to work.  We are not sure if the Transportation department will let us use the new $56 seat belt buckle covers.  Even if they do, he can loosen the slack on the belt and still wiggle out.  We are putting more faith in the reminder signs, but the bus people want some sort of restraint, so we are working with them on that, to make sure its a restraint (buckel cover) that we can agree to.  If not…I will be driving him to school every day.  We do not want him in that harness. 

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because it took me and BAGD soooooooo long to find a seat belt buckle cover for Pookie’s bus seat, and others parents might have the same problem, pardon me while I try to save their sanity and time by directing a little bit of search traffic here.  Trust me, there is very little chance they will find the product any other way.  Perfectly Safe is a good website, but they did not come up on the first gazillion searches I did.

seatbelt buckle cover bus seat belt lap belt autism safety on the bus stay in your seatbelt seat belt safety cover buckle lock keep child in seat on the bus

Giggles can sit up by herself…kind of. She has really good muscle control and seems to have no trouble controlling the upper half of her back. But she is still working on her abs. With a Boppy pillow around her waist, she sits up very nicely. She still prefers laying on her back and kicking her legs, but she is getting used to sitting up too.

Such a big girl.

We gave Giggles rice cereal for the first time this week.

You know how babies are supposed to drool and push it out of their mouths, sometimes crying and getting freaked out by the whole new experience? And in the end they eat, maybe, half a teaspoon of it?

Yeah. Not Giggles.

She loves it. She ate a “whole bowl” (which is a tablespoon of cereal and 4 tablespoons of water).

She even let a few unqualified amateurs feed her.

She seems to understand the mouth movements and is very tidy when she eats. She likes it and has no problem eating it and then drinking her bottle. No wonder she is growing so fast.

Did you hear about the Orlando Fl woman who was caught on videotape spraying her toddler in a carwash, as a form of punishment?   Its wrong.  Totally wrong.  Physically abusive and dangerous.

But what about the 16 year old caught driving 100 mph whose mother forced him to stand along the highway with sign stating what he had done?  Right or wrong?   Not physically abusuive, but is it emotionally abusive?

Where is the line?  For me, I think its OK to punish your kids, but not with emotional or physical abuse.  Yes, you can make them walk back into the 7-11 and apologize to the manager for stealing a pack of gum.  But you can’t make them stand in front of the store with a sign that says “I Steal.”  Yes, you can take away the car if the kid refuses to pick up little sister at ballet practice.  But you can’t make them go to school in her tutu.

I recall several reports recently about parents making their kids hold up signs in front of stores or putting ads on Craigslist/Ebay selling the toys of ungrateful children.  When did public shame become the best way to discipline your kid?  If you raise your kid right, they should be more affected by knowing **YOU** think they messed up, than if all the cars that drive past the KFC know.   Think about it.

I was feeling a little bad about Pookie’s art habit. Not really, since I think his art is a huge part of his life and brings out some of his best characteristics. But, each day as I sift through his dozens and dozens of pages, I was curious what it meant for the environment. Especially after an art day like today:

According to this website, An average tree would make 188 reams or 94,000 pieces of office paper. So, at his current rate of 15-20 pages per day, Pookie is using 4% of a ream a day. Which is .0212% of a tree a day. He is 5 years old. If his art habit continues at this rate, which we hope it does, until he is 40, he will use 255,500 sheets or 2.71 trees.

That’s fine with me. I call these 3 for him. Dibs.

There is a new show on the History channel about logging; Ax Men. I was a big fan of their show “Ice Road Truckers” so I would probably enjoy this one too. But, when I first read about it, I wondered if it would cause some bad publicity. We all know where paper comes from, but no one likes to think about all the fallen trees and naked forests. I will try to catch the series and see if they address that issue. In the meantime, I understand what the conservationists are saying, but I also understand that we all need paper. I think what Pookie draws on is recycled; if not, I will make sure our next ream is. But, in the end, I will let him draw on as many sheets as he wants. Drawing and writing are a huge part of his day. I would rather take away all his other toys.

Giggles rolled over by herself yesterday.  Twice.  All by herself.  Not the kind of “all by herself” where I position her arm and give her a push either.  Really all by herself. 

I’m very excited.  Its a small thing, but its really the first big developmental checkpoint. 

I am very aware of developmental issues.  I tell myself not to be so worried.  But its like the 800 lb gorilla in the room.  The odd thing is that Pookie was 100% on track with ALL developmental goals other than language, until he was 3 years old.  He did not fit the autism mold back then.  He made eye contact.  He didn’t stim.  Even now, he still hits all the milestones.  He’s 5.  He catches a ball, swings a bat, walks up the stairs one foot per stair, cuts with a knife, brushes his teeth, strings beads on a shoelace, dresses himself, uses a proper pencil grip, zips his coat, does puzzles, follows multistep directions, has impulse control, shows affection, makes eye contact, etc.  He just has a few “extra” things that he should not….he flips his hands occasionally, he is echolalic, his conversations are one sided, he gets obsessive about certain things. 

So, if Pookie met all his developmental milestones until age 3 and is still developing at great strides, why do I worry about Giggles? 

I worry about Giggles because that’s what parents do.  I don’t think I would worry any less if she did not have an autistic sibling.  Its a weird thing, and in the back of my head, I am completely aware of the fact that it is crazy.  But, that’s what I do.  That’s what we all do. 

Giggles has changed alot in the past few days. She is now grabbing toys and putting them in her mouth. Her aim is not perfect, but she is usually happy with the results.

So far, she can’t handle “heavy” toys and can really only do this trick with the light Link-a-doo rings. We are working on her holding onto her bottles too. Pookie and Geetle learned to hold their own bottles by 6months, so we hope the same for her. I was VERY motivated to teach Geetle and Pookie, since its hard to bottle feed twins at the same time. But its a good skill for any baby! We use the AVENT bottles with the handles. They are sold for the AVENT Magic Trainer cups, but they also fit on the bottles. So far, she can’t hold the bottle, because she gets excited and pulls the bottle down towards her chest. But, we will keep practicing.

This is a fun stage because its the first time it seems like she is actually playing with her toys. She seems really interested in holding the rings and cries when they drop. She also likes to grab her soft pink bunny and pull it into her chin…probably an attempt to eat it, but one that does not work because she does not like the sensation of sucking on fabric.

Giggles, Geetle and I visited Pookie’s classroom the other day.  During free play time, I asked the teacher how Pookie was doing with his his one-to-one association when counting.  At home, he gets lazy and rushes thru the counting, not touching each item and slurring the numbers together, as if he is in too big of a hurry to count the items correctly.  I wondered how he did at school.  She said she had been meaning to talk to me about that very issue.  She has been testing Pookie for kindergarten readiness and has determined that he can only “count” up to 4.

4?

I was confused, and I told her so.  He counts over 100.  He understands the sequence of numbers and knows that it goes “29, 30, 31, etc”.   He recognizes the numbers in print too.  She said she was fooled at first too.  But that when she asks him to count, he shows no concept of numbers over 4.  No concept of “how many”, over 4.    All his counting, she said, is just rote phrases.  (another ASD thing).   He can repeat the sequence of numbers, but does not know what they mean.  I was skeptical, but nodded along.  I said that maybe I was fooled too and that I would pay greater attention  at home and see.

Well, today I tried many different ways of getting him to count and think about quantities.

• I asked for 7 high fives…and got them.
• I asked him to give me 5 markers…and he did.
• I asked him to count pretzels…and he did…all 22 of them.

That proves he can “count” higher than 4, right?  How do I know if he really understands or if its rote?  Do I care?  We have this same problem with reading too.  He can “read” some books all by himself.  But I know that he just has the words memorized.  For example, he can read “No David” and “David gets in Trouble” by David Shannon.   There is alot of simple repetition in these books; once you know the words, they are easy to read.  So Pookie “reads” them every day.  But that’s not really “reading” right?  Or is it?  If I take some of the common words in these books and write them on blank paper, making sentences not found in the original book, Pookie can read them.  But he knows what “No” and “David” and “School” look like in print, so he is cheating, right?  Or maybe not.  Studies have shown that the majority of our reading is actually done by glancing at the word and making a quick guess at it, usually a correct one.  Pookie does the same.  He will guess at a new word, saying something else that starts with the same letter.  Sure, its guessing but is that wrong?  I think that is still pre-reading.

As far as his counting skills go.  I believe he does understand the concept of numbers and quantity.  Maybe Pookie heard that the teacher was not willing to send him to Summer School, so he decided to dumb it up a bit at school.  See, he wants to go to Summer School too.

The hardest 15 seconds of my day happens over and over.  A dozen times.

Its hard, but I muscle through.

The hardest 15 seconds of my day is that 15 seconds after I tell Pookie to do something.  I tell him.  He hears me.  And for 15 seconds we wait.  I wait to see if he will do it.  He waits to see if I will repeat myself.  15 long seconds.

He is not a defiant boy.  He waits because he is processing the request.  He takes the information in and then acts.  Human  nature leads me to get impatient.  I usually want to repeat myself in the time it takes him to process the first request.  I do it without thinking.  I am working hard on changing that.

He likes it when I repeat myself because he likes to be prompted to do things.  Its an ASD thing.  If he thinks there is a prompt coming, he will wait for it.  We work hard on removing those prompts.  So, today I asked him to mail a letter for me.  I watched as he got his coat and shoes on.  I handed him the letter and told him to put it in the mailbox from the backside and then put the flag up.  Out the door he went.  I stood in the screen door watching as he meandered across the lawn, jumped over the water pipe and dragged the toes of his shoes on the sidewalk.  Inside my head, I was screaming “Don’t go in the street!  Put it from the back!  From the back!  There is a door on the back of the mailbox too!”   But I said nothing.  And he put the letter in the mail box, from the back, put up the flag and meandered back into the house.

15 long seconds, just like always.