Be A Good Mom

Surely you have taken your kids to the mall to play on those soft play grounds.  You’ve seen the signs out front.

No food

No drinks

No shoes

Socks Required!

Why?   I assure you that my children’s feet are among the cleanest parts of their bodies.  Are we worried about preschool athlete’s foot?  According to the Wikipedia, up to 15% of the population may have athletes foot.   The bacteria that cause athletes foot live in moist environments.  Ok.  But if the soft play structures are “moist” its because some other fluid leaked directly out of a kid, one way or another.  And I would be more worried about that fluid than I would be about the fact that it now created a moist environment that could harbor athletes foot bacteria.  Plus, having bare feet gives the kids better traction and reduces the injuries on the play equipment.

Geetle is old enough to read these picto-signs and knew that it said she must wear socks.  Having come to the mall in her crocs, she was worried that she could not join Pookie, who had worn more sensible shoes.  I told her it was OK.  She was then worried  that she would get in trouble.  I have not begun to explain the whole “when its OK to break some rules” thing yet, so I just said “its OK’ and pushed her through the gate.

This whole “Socks Required” thing is just a ploy to get us to buy a $5 pair of socks from the children’s apparel store that just HAPPENS to be located right next to the play area, I think.

But, once again, I am here on the Internet just trying to eductate myself.  So if you know what the big deal is, why they need to wear socks, please let me know.

I did not want to jinx it, so I waited to write about the final chapter in Pookie’s bus drama.  But here is what has happened lately.

About 10 days ago- he was reading his “No Standing on the Bus” sign every day and seeming to get it.  But then one day took off his seatbelt, stood on the bus seat and jumped up and down.  BAD.

About 9 days ago- School district says he has to wear some device to keep him in the seat.  We agreed.  We were not against using the integrated carseat or harness, only against having it be the first thing and not giving him the chance to learn how to behave and see the consequences of his behavior.  We agreed to the integrated carseat, which has a chest and crotch buckle. 

About 8 days ago- off to school in the integrated carseat.  5 minutes into the trip, he lets himself out of the carseat by undoing the chest and crotch buckles.  If you have kids in carseats, you know that this was quite a feat, but he did it.  By the time the bus driver stops the bus, he is back in his seat FULLY BUCKLED.  This clearly shows that he knows the difference between right and wrong in this scenario.  BAGD and I are now fully ready to harness him.  He is just being naughty.  Autism is not a free ride, you still have to follow the rules….especially those that you understand!

About 7 days ago- The Bus Driver says, ” I think he is bored.  Can he read a book on the bus?”  I thought they had rules against that.  She says they do, but they will make an exception for him.

About 6 days ago- Pookie is off to school with an extra large copy of “The Adventures of Curious George.”  He behaves on the bus.

About 5 days ago- his book is “Tibor Gergely’s Big Red Story Book.”  No problems on the bus.

About 4 days ago- Usborne’s Book of First Experiences.  The Executive Director of the district preschool program calls me to discuss our situation.  Oh boy.  Our district is the second largest in the state.  That is like you getting a speeding ticket and the governor calling to see what happened.    I told her where we were and that it had worked for a few days.  She is a very nice woman and said she hoped things continued, but if not…….

About 3 days ago- The Complete Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. 

About 2 Days ago- The Complete Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.

Yesterday- Big Bird the Babysitter.

Today- ?

I hope we have reached a milestone here.  He has not misbehaved since he started taking a book on the bus.  Coincidence?  Temporary Solution?  Really, there is no way to know for sure, but I *feel* this is it.  Yesterday, he and I went out on the porch to wait for the bus.  he had Big Bird the Babysitter under his arm.  I offered to read it.  He said “No, read book on the bus.”  I said, come on, I will read it while we wait.  I grabbed the book and opened it.  He snatched it back, closed the cover and said “NO.  Read book on the bus.”

So, there you go.  Read book on the bus.

Pookie had trouble on the bus again last week.  On Day 2 of using his homemade seat belt cover, he thwarted it.  He stood up, moved around the bus and eventually made his way to the emergency door where he tried to do the bus driver a favor and “lock” what appeared to be an “unlocked” slidebolt.  Problem is, that slidebolt lock is something they do at night for lockdown of the bus.  If you “lock” it while the bus is “on” the alarms go off.  So…that is what happened.

This was Friday onthe way to school.  They let him come home on the bus and he behaved himself perfectly.  But they said the harness was coming out on Monday.  I called and pled our case again.  He needs to be taught how to behave on the bus.  Let me teach him.  They said they would work with us. 

I asked to ride on the bus for a week.  They said no.

I asked for a bus aide.  They said no.

I asked for him to be switched to another bus where some other kid already has a bus aide.  They said no.

They did agree to give him a bus aide for 2 days, let me tape signs to his seat reminding him to sit, and tape a “STOP” sign on the emergency door to remind him not to touch it.

BAGD and I also did more research on a seat belt cover.  The technology exists.  You can easily buy one for your car at Amazon.  The problem is that the bus seat belts are the old fashioned kind, with the button in the center of the buckle, not on the side.  Think 1980’s Chevy Truck. 

We finally found one at Perfectly Safe.com  that will fit the old fashioned seat belts, namely bus seats.  It was cheap, $5.95, but to overnight two of them here put the bill at $57.  If Pookie ever wins a coloring contest at the mall and the prize is $10…its mine.  I also intend to make him share the Culver’s Gift Cards that Great Grandpa gives him every year with me until his debt is paid. 

He rode the bus Monday and Tuesday this week so far, and it has been fine.  I think that the reminder signs taped to the seat will be the best solution.  He knows how to behave, he does.  He just needs reminders and an understanding of why and what the consequences are. 

Now, everyday we talk about the bus rules before he gets on the bus.  I tape the sign to the seat and we ask him about it every day when he gets home.  We hope it continues to work.  We are not sure if the Transportation department will let us use the new $56 seat belt buckle covers.  Even if they do, he can loosen the slack on the belt and still wiggle out.  We are putting more faith in the reminder signs, but the bus people want some sort of restraint, so we are working with them on that, to make sure its a restraint (buckel cover) that we can agree to.  If not…I will be driving him to school every day.  We do not want him in that harness. 

***********************

because it took me and BAGD soooooooo long to find a seat belt buckle cover for Pookie’s bus seat, and others parents might have the same problem, pardon me while I try to save their sanity and time by directing a little bit of search traffic here.  Trust me, there is very little chance they will find the product any other way.  Perfectly Safe is a good website, but they did not come up on the first gazillion searches I did.

seatbelt buckle cover bus seat belt lap belt autism safety on the bus stay in your seatbelt seat belt safety cover buckle lock keep child in seat on the bus

Know what guarantees a bad day?  Having to see your 5 year old wearing bus safety harness that makes him look like a parachutist caught in a tree.

This happened yesterday and it was a hard afternoon for me.

Pookie rides a bus to preschool, a regular yellow school bus, with lapbelts.  On the way to school, he likes to sit in the way back row, on the drivers side.  He has ridden the bus for almos 2 years and things have gone well. He wet his pants on the bus once or twice.  He refuses to wave to me in the window.  But, all in all, an OK experience. 

On the Monday and Tuesday after Spring Break he was naughty on the bus.  He unbuckles his seat belt.  He stood on his seat and leaned over the seat in front.  He changed seats, he crawled on the floor.  He had done this type of thing one other time this year, but I talked to him and he stopped.  His actions on Tuesday really freaked out the bus driver.  She is a nice lady, but she (understandably) got upset when he stood on the seat and tried to sommersault over the seat in front of him. 

So, the transportation department called me and they recommended that he wear a harness on the bus.  Recommended, but really demanded because if he refuses and does it one more time, they will deny him bus service.  It was right after Spring Break and I know he is a bit more animated this week because he is not back into his routine yet. So, I thought if we talked to him it would settle down and we would not need to do the harness.  I figured by the time they got their act together and got the harness he would be behaving.

Well, the bus driver showed up yesterday with the harness.  Less than 24 hour turn around.  We agreed to let him ride to school in the harness, but wanted to talk to the transportation department about options.  This harness is a canvas vest with 4 steel rings, one at each shoulder and one at each hip.  The steel rings clip on to hooks mounted on the seat.  So, he is literally bolted to the bus seat.  He could not even move to touch his shoes.  Its not a nice thing to see your kid in.  But, the transportation people said it was the only option.

I made some phone calls and got the transportation people to hear me out.  I explained that we did not want the harness because we wanted him to learn to behave without props.  He never misbehaves in a car and actually never misbehaves on the afternoon bus, just that route.  The transportation director understood our goals.  I asked her if I could sew a sleeve for the seat belt buckle.  I think that if the buckle is covered, he won’t mess with it.  They agreed to let us try.

So, last night Pookie and I went to the fabric store and got some sturdy twill and some velcro.  I made a sleeve to wrap around the seat belt buckle and hide it.  I tucked the sides, so that the unit won’t slide off the seat belt.  We also talked to him about being naughty on the bus.  I do not intend to show him the seat buckle cover or really even talk about it with him.  I do not want him to get too comfortable with it.  I will put it on every day and the teacher will take it off when the bus gets to school.  I don’t want him to touch it at all.  I am hoping that it will be just enough interference to keep him from unbuckling the seatbelt and he will find something else to do on the bus to occupy his time. 

I really hope that it works.  I think it will.  I need it to.  I can’t bear to see him in that harness again. 

One thing I learned as a parent is to never say never. But this is one I feel comfortable saying.

My kids will NEVER wear wheelie shoes.

I hate them. Why?

1. They turn otherwise well-behaved kids into run-away freight trains careening out of control down the aisles in Walmart. Rude and inconsiderate.
2. When the kids are not wheeling, they walk on their tip toes with no bend in the arch. Bad for their feet.
3. Any parent who lets their kid roll thru the aisles of public stores and sidewalks on these shoes, darting between normal pedestrians, is not the kind of parent I intend to be.
4. They are not shoes. They are toys.

These shoes are banned at Pookie’s school (pre-K thru 6th grade), during school, after school, walking to school, etc…all the time. Geetle’s preschool (2-5 year olds) does not have such a policy, probably because they assume no parent of a 2-5 year old would send their child to school in them. Turns out they are wrong, Geetle knows exactly what these shoes are because “Eric” has a pair and wears them to school. But its OK, she tells me, because Ms Sofia just tells him to “turn off the wheels.”

BAGD and I went to the mall the other day. We were browsing at Steve and Barry’s University Sportswear when we were overtaken by a mop headed boy on wheelie shoes, darting in and out of the racks. His mother was trailing behind him. She passed me just as I said how much I hated those shoes and that the boy was rude. She gave me a look. I gave it back. I assume she saw my pregnant belly and that I had no kids in tow and assumed I was a first time parent. She probably thought, “Oh, just wait. You don’t understand at all.” Well, I do understand, whether I have kids or not. Those shoes are dangerous to me, as the person your kid races past and scoots around. Would you let your kid ride his bike thru Steve and Barry’s? Would you let him squirt me with his new water pistol? No? Well then, tell him to walk like a normal boy and save the recreation equipment for the playground.

OK! I have been promising to answer the last great unsolved question on the internet…and here it is:

What is the best stroller board and stroller combination to buy for a family that uses Graco Saferide carseats and needs a stroller board that can hold a preschooler who weighs over 40 pounds?

The answer is: A Kolcraft Contours Options 4 wheeler stroller and a Lascal Kiddyboard!

I finally have this whole thing figured out. I have it all assembled and its great. The Kolcraft stroller fits Graco carseats, so we can re-use the ones from the twins. Also, the Stroller has a strong rear axle to hold the stroller board (boogie board). The stroller does not have a parents snack tray, it has a cup holder that sits to the outside of the stroller, thereby allowing the preschooler to stand * in front* of the stroller handle (closer to the stroller seat) and lean back on the curved handle for safety and comfort. Also, the Lascal Kiddyboard, even though it says it only holds 44 lbs on Amazon, really holds 66 lbs, per the Lascal customer service department. Done and done!

I cannot wait to try it out. I have given Pookie and Geetle rides around the dining room. They seem to like it. The only thing is that we *might* have to put a counterweight in the front of the stroller, in the basket. I think the fact that we were wheeling around on carpet was probably what threw the balance off, but if not, we will just use a counter weight. A 5 lb dumbbell ought to do it.

So, there you go. I get alot of search traffic on this topic, and I did ALOT of research myself before I bought my items. So, I am glad to provide this important public service information.

BAGD and I have always believed in giving our kids some personal freedom, but enforcing boundaries. Sometimes the boundaries are well-known, but sometimes they are hidden. Kind of like underground fencing for dogs. Only when the kids exceed those boundaries do they find out they exist. As strange as that sounds, we do it because we want our kids to find their own way in life, make their own choices and decisions, but still be safe. Our biggest fear right now: them leaving the house alone. Geetle knows not to go outside alone. Pookie does not yet understand. Just today he was ready to walk to the bowling alley alone when we told him we were not going. Even Geetle could be convinced that its OK to go outside alone if there is a good reason, like a bunny on the lawn. So, we stack the deck in our favor. Our latest:

First, we bought the white do-dad you see at the top of the door frame. Its an alarm that sounds when the door is opened. We thought it was a good idea, since the kids are no longer locked in their bedroom at night. (they were never really “locked in”…see my post on the subject). But we often forgot to turn it on. We also often forgot to turn it off and scared the bageebazeses out ourselves when we went out one door and in the other.

We decided to go old school, which is usually best in life. We installed two of these ordinary chain locks, one on the front door and one on the door to the garage. Now, we do not worry that the kids seem to be getting out of bed over an hour before us in the morning. We also feel safe going to the basement computer room after we put them to bed. Our house is safe. Sure, there are things the kids could do to get in trouble inside the house, but that was never our #1 worry.

I thought we were pretty cool for thinking of this idea, so I told my MOM about it. She said “Oh yeah, we did that when you were little too.” How come they never mention this in the parenting magazines? I read all about Stove guards, bumper pads for your coffee table, bi-fold door locks to avoid pinched fingers. How about an article on the number one thing you can do to keep your toddler/preschooler safe, keep them from going outside alone.

As a side bar, BAGD assures me that in the event of an emergency, any one with a good strong shoulder could ram our door open from the outside or pull it open from the inside. Its only attached with 2 short screws into the drywall. Plus fire departments and police officers could just cut the chain.

For your consideration I present:

The Stroller Safety Flag

Best product ever? or Retailer preying on parent’s paranoia? You decide.

**When we built our backyard fence, I had 25-35 of those little orange flags all over my backyard, marking the utility lines. If I had known, I would have given them to Grandma V to sell on eBay.

We attended a 4th of July parade today.  I think we can all agree that parades are loud.  Sure, its fun to see the fire trucks and ambulances, but do we need so many sirens?!  Then come the motorcycles!  Even as an adult, I do not like it.  I swear I felt Taco Supreme jump at a particularly loud siren.

Lately, Pookie has been covering his ears in response to loud noises.  Some of the noise he does not like:  flushing public toilets and the sound of his own screaming.  But, all in all, its not been a huge problem.  He does not do it very often and we are actually encouraged by the fact that he is seeking to control his environment himself, even if it means covering his ears.  We do not think he has any true or severe sensory issues.  We think he just does not like loud noises, like any typically developing child.  Life around here is pretty quiet, no screaming babies (yet!), no loud music, no train whistles, no loud neighbors, etc.  He is not really used to loud noises.

Given that, we knew the parade today would be rough.  So, we packed a set of those giant cushy stereo headphones, left over from BAGD’s college days.  We thought they might help deaden the sound a bit.  Geetle wanted a pair too, so she took a set of walkman headphones.  When we got to the parade, we were happy to see that Uncle JB and Aunt Bean had the same idea.

T-man and Baby Belaina wear true sound-deadening ear protection headphones when they ride on the farm equipment.  They brought theirs to the parade too.   Baby Belaina did not want to wear hers today, so Pookie borrowed them.  Although he could still hear the sirens, it was clear that the headphones helped him quite a bit.  He took them on and off as he wanted, putting them back on when the brass band came by.

Uncle JB and Aunt Bean got their headphones at a farm supply store for about $15.  I saw these on line for a similar price.   I assume you could also buy them at Menards or Home Depot, anywhere that sells chainsaws or loud equipment.  Even the adult ones seem to fit children OK.  We have another parade that we go to in the fall.  We will make sure to buy our own sound-deadening headphones by then.  They made the parade very enjoyable today.

**by the way, Geetle took off her walkman headphones early on.  The cord kept her from dashing into the street for candy.   But,  we will still get her a new pair too.  Its really a good idea for any kid**

We moved into this house when the kids were just over 2 years old.  At the time, they still slept in their cribs.  Right after we moved, we decided to take the one crib wall off and use it as a toddler bed.  That opened up a whole new world for us….and the kids.  

Geetle fell out of bed a few times.  Pookie refused to stay in bed, prefering to dance around the room and jump on the bed.   Most importantly, BAGD and I worried about the kids roaming the house when we were sleeping.  So, we bought one of those simple plastic door know covers, the kind that you have to squeeze in order for the knob to turn and open the door.  We put it on the INSIDE of their bedroom door.  They tried, but they could not open the door.  Now, we felt secure that no matter what, the kids would stay in their room until we let them out in the morning.

Then Geetle potty-trained.  Middle of the night pees became a real threat.  We taught her how to scream “I need to Pee!” and we would come running.   We put a tiny potty in the room.  We hoped for the best.  She did call for us a few times, but mainly, she learned to hold it until morning.   We get up early, so that meant 6:15 or so. 

Then I started working at home, eliminating the morning commute.  At that time, neither kid had a.m. school, so we got in the habit of sleeping until 7:30 or later.  That presented a problem for Geetle and her bladder.   It was time for a decision.

We decided to take off the plastic door knob cover and give the kids their freedom.  We hoped for the best.  We installed chain-locks on the front door and the one leading to our garage, just in case someone got the brilliant idea to ride their bike at 5am. 

 Much to our suprise, things did go fine.  Pookie likes to stay in his room.  When he gets up in the morning, he sits in bed and reads books until I come get him.  And this has given Geetle the opportunity to show us just how grown up she is. 

She understands that she can only come out to use the bathroom or if she is sick.  (once she did come out to look for her stuffed dog)  At least once a night, sometimes at 9pm, sometimes at 4am, sometimes at 7:30am, she will come out.  She will walk directly to the hall bathroom, close the door to our room (”so the light won’t wake Daddy up.”), pee and go right back to bed.  She does not flush.  I asked her why.  She said “people are sleeping.”

I think it was a good idea to lock them in originally, but now they are ready for this new responsibility.  Pookie LOVES to play in the basement and usually runs there as soon as I open the door in the morning.  But he never goes on his own; he seems to understand that the “day” does not start until we come get him.  He wears a pull-up to bed, but when he is ready for his midnight pees, I think we will be able to teach him that he can only come out to use the bathroom. 

Geetle is very proud of herself and tells us every morning whether or not she went in the middle of the night.  We already know, because we hear the doors opening and closing.  But we enjoy her sense of accomplishment and recognize that she is very grown up now.