Be A Good Mom

1. Babysit or just take the kids out. We tend to trust our SN kids with people who we know understand them. That eliminates alot of cheap and readily available babysitters. Some SN kids would do best with a night at home, but some would do well with an adventure out and about with a trusted friend or relative. And it gives the parents a break, while feeling no guilt from “dumping” their kids with a cold babysitter.

2. Come to visit THEM, on their turf. Its alot of work to pack up any kids and take them on an outing to a relative’s house, but its more work for a SN family. We have to worry about wandering, unfamiliar pets, upset routines, missed bedtimes, chaos that we cannot control because its not our house. So, please, come to see us once in a while, rather than inviting us to your house all the time. We do love to come to your house, but not everytime.

3. Think ahead. If you are in a position to help financially, you might consider it. Raising a SN child costs more, its the simple truth. Therapies, developmental toys, modified equipment and such costs money. These costs do not taper off or end in adolescence/young adulthood. They get bigger. If you are considering buying your grandkids each a go-cart. Ask the parents of the SN child if they think a session of camp or summer tutoring might be more beneficial in the long run. Then let the kids share the other go-cart.

4. Recognize the extra work the parents put in each and every day. Don’t be patronizing or baby them. Just quietly and firmly establish that you know and understand. That goes a long way.

5. Know the family’s goals and strategies for the child. Understand how to use the PECS cards. Know how to ignore undesirable behavior. Understand why there can be NO M&Ms in the Easter baskets (unless someone pees in the potty.)

6. Treat all the children in the family the same.

7. Don’t assume that the parents are actively involved in “Cure this” and “Walk forThis” events. Some of us are just trying to get through the day. We are glad that there are people out there trying to cure and walk. But when you are living your life on the front lines, it is hard to spend time looking for a cure that will help someone else in 30 years. Being on the front lines means you don’t always have time for the long term investment. We would love for you to fight for a cure, because we do think its important, but we do not always have the time or emotional energy to help you.

If you are looking for a gift idea for a child, you might consider taking them on a date. For their birthdays, Aunt Kel took each of her preschool nieces and nephews to a “cultural event”. Pookie and Kel went to the Children’s Museum. T-man and Kel saw “Diego Live!”. Geetle and Kel saw “Clifford’s Big Show.”

Each child got some one-on-one time and felt very important to be out on such an important afternoon. Even at the young age of 3 and 4, T-man and Geetle understood. They were excited when Kel gave them a card on their birthday, pulled them aside and told them what their present was. I wondered if they might still expect a present to unwrap, but they didn’t. The promise of seeing Diego or Clifford in a month was enough.

Pookie has a hard time with abstract concepts, so he did not understand what Kel was telling him, but gosh darn it, he was just happy that she was at his birthday party. And on the afternoon of their date, he followed her to the museum and had a great time.

Months later, the memories remain. Sometimes Geetle asks us to read the show program as a bedtime story. In an age of plastic-noisemakers that masquerade as toys, I think this is a great idea for any age child.

Please send your donations and thoughts of care and love to:

Beagoodmom’s Prurigo Task Force-Together we will find a cure.

c/o www.beagoodmom.com

With your help, I will persevere. Thank you.

Pookie is a pretty good sport when it comes to trying new foods. But when he says “no”, he means it. Lately, we have tried a new approach. If he does not want to try something, we say “just kiss it.” And usually he does. Then sometimes we say “just lick it.” And sometimes he does. He laughs and seems to understand it is a game. And sometimes he decides the food is not so bad and will eat a few bites on his own.

I thought this was just a weird thing we did, until my friend Susan told me that her pediatrician suggested the same thing.  Huh.

We moved into this house when the kids were just over 2 years old.  At the time, they still slept in their cribs.  Right after we moved, we decided to take the one crib wall off and use it as a toddler bed.  That opened up a whole new world for us….and the kids.  

Geetle fell out of bed a few times.  Pookie refused to stay in bed, prefering to dance around the room and jump on the bed.   Most importantly, BAGD and I worried about the kids roaming the house when we were sleeping.  So, we bought one of those simple plastic door know covers, the kind that you have to squeeze in order for the knob to turn and open the door.  We put it on the INSIDE of their bedroom door.  They tried, but they could not open the door.  Now, we felt secure that no matter what, the kids would stay in their room until we let them out in the morning.

Then Geetle potty-trained.  Middle of the night pees became a real threat.  We taught her how to scream “I need to Pee!” and we would come running.   We put a tiny potty in the room.  We hoped for the best.  She did call for us a few times, but mainly, she learned to hold it until morning.   We get up early, so that meant 6:15 or so. 

Then I started working at home, eliminating the morning commute.  At that time, neither kid had a.m. school, so we got in the habit of sleeping until 7:30 or later.  That presented a problem for Geetle and her bladder.   It was time for a decision.

We decided to take off the plastic door knob cover and give the kids their freedom.  We hoped for the best.  We installed chain-locks on the front door and the one leading to our garage, just in case someone got the brilliant idea to ride their bike at 5am. 

 Much to our suprise, things did go fine.  Pookie likes to stay in his room.  When he gets up in the morning, he sits in bed and reads books until I come get him.  And this has given Geetle the opportunity to show us just how grown up she is. 

She understands that she can only come out to use the bathroom or if she is sick.  (once she did come out to look for her stuffed dog)  At least once a night, sometimes at 9pm, sometimes at 4am, sometimes at 7:30am, she will come out.  She will walk directly to the hall bathroom, close the door to our room (”so the light won’t wake Daddy up.”), pee and go right back to bed.  She does not flush.  I asked her why.  She said “people are sleeping.”

I think it was a good idea to lock them in originally, but now they are ready for this new responsibility.  Pookie LOVES to play in the basement and usually runs there as soon as I open the door in the morning.  But he never goes on his own; he seems to understand that the “day” does not start until we come get him.  He wears a pull-up to bed, but when he is ready for his midnight pees, I think we will be able to teach him that he can only come out to use the bathroom. 

Geetle is very proud of herself and tells us every morning whether or not she went in the middle of the night.  We already know, because we hear the doors opening and closing.  But we enjoy her sense of accomplishment and recognize that she is very grown up now. 

Since I am pregnant for the second time and have successfully raised twins to the ripe old age of 4 1/2, I feel like I know a few things. I have been inventorying my baby stash and filling in the gaps. There are a few things that I fell for the first time, that I will not fall for again. Such as:

1. Crib Bedding sets. 5 years ago, BAGD and I spent way too much money on 2 of those “1 sheet, 1 bumper, 1 quilt, 1 bedskirt” sets. It all looks so pretty. But when you get home, you figure out that babies can’t use the quilt; its unsafe. Then the baby wets thru on the 1 cute coordinating sheet, and you have to replace it with a ratty odd-colored one. So basically the crib bedding set boils down to the bumper and the bedskirt. That’s not even the cute part. So, why bother. This time, I am making a dozen crib sheets out of a cute fabric (2 yards of fabric and a bit of elastic) and just buying the bumpers separately.

2. Tiny baby socks. Sure, you do need baby socks. But no one would ever need as many as BAGD and I bought the first time. We worried about cold feet, naturally. But then we learned that 75% of the outfits that 1-3 month old infants wear already come with attached footies! Problem solved. This time I will buy far fewer tiny socks.

3. Elaborate multi-pocket diaper bags. We bought a BIG one. We thought we needed it, because we had twins. But slowly, I learned that having twins meant that I should try to carry the smallest diaper bag possible, not the biggest. Toting around the kids was hard enough, then I had to add the 30 lb diaper bag. So, we bought a Vera Bradley small duffle bag. It did not have all the pockets, but it was very light and roomy. There was no insulated bottle pocket, but we had a little lunch bag that we tossed inside. The smaller size meant we had to be smart about the items we packed. But we always seemed to do fine. Our Vera Bradley is showing its age, so I have my eye on a Columbia backpack this time. Not really a diaper bag, but father-friendly, compact and hands-free.

4. Tiny snowsuits. They were cute, but impractical. Our doctor said not to use them because they were unsafe for use with a car seat. All that padding meant the car seat straps could not effectively tighten and secure the baby. We wore the suits once or twice for stroller walks, but that was it. Blankets tucked on top of the buckled baby are much easier and safer.

5. Tub Spout cover. Ok, I understand the purpose of this item, but I still think its useless. These are meant to either a.) protect the baby from a metal tub spout heated to an unsafe temperature by the hot bath water, or b.) prevent the baby from bumping its head on the hard spout. Lets think that through…if the tub spout is so hot that you are worried that the baby will touch it and get burned, then I would say the water is too hot for the baby to bathe in. Similarly, if your baby tips over in the tub, what are the odds that they will hit the padded spout, rather than the 30 square feet of hard porcelain or tile that surrounds it? We’ll take our chances without one, thank you.

I hiccup alot. Just one time. Not “the hiccups.” Just “the hiccup.” One really loud one. Its really strange. I rarely burp, which I think is supposed to be really common during pregnancy. So, the hiccup must be my thing. I suppose its a pregnancy phenomenon. If not, I am blaming it on that anyway.

You can blame alot of stuff on “the pregnancy.” Here is my list so far:

I need BAGD to give me all his bed pillows, except the hard one I don’t like anyway. If I sleep wrong, I will lose circulation in my legs causing them to go numb and when I get up in the middle of the night to pee, I will fall on my stomach, injuring the baby.

I can’t go to the Gym because my shorts don’t fit anymore. So I have to stay home, alone, while BAGD takes the kids. Darn.

7 Freeze Pops is not too many to eat in one sitting. I need to stay hydrated.

I certainly can’t drive at night. Just because.

I shouldn’t drive at all, because I have to sit with my legs wide, like a 600 lb trucker, in order to be comfortable. And that makes it hard to use the gas/brake.

I can’t shave my legs, because I can’t bend over.

The grape juice in the fridge is mine, because I can’t drink soda. Don’t touch it.

I have to eat alot of snacks or my blood sugar will drop and I will faint, falling on my stomach and injuring the baby.

BAGD has to read “Lyle and the Birthday Party” (the world’s longest annoying children’s book) at bedtime because it hurts my back to sit on Geetle’s bed.

I can’t take out the garbage, because its dark in the garage and I might trip, falling on my stomach and injuring the baby.

You get the picture.

Would you like to be a duck for Halloween? All you need is 4 pot holders, according to Geetle. This is her very own invention, a homemade duck costume. There is also a funny walk and voice that comes included with it.

Pookie and Geetle have a pretty good life, if I do say so myself.

They just got a new swing set.
The only chores we make them do are picking up toys and unloading the dishwasher.
BAGD has the same taste in food that they do, meaning that they often get chocolate chip granola bars, fish sticks and macaroni & cheese.
Our basement looks like the 2-4 year old room at Kindercare.

But sometimes, that is not enough, and 4 year olds dream of something more. If you are Geetle, you hope and dream for just one special thing in life…..eating at a restaurant. Preferably Chilis. She regularly asks us, “can we eat at a restaurant tonight?” Or will point out restaurants that she wants to try and ask us when we will go there. Chilis is on the way to our Gym, so its an easy target.

Now, we do eat out occasionally. I think its less than the American average, and its far from what I knew as a kid. When I was a kid, we lived in the country, so it was not “easier” to pop over to Chili’s rather than make dinner. First off, there was no Chili’s. Second, the nearest restaurant was probably some “Bar and Grill” (heavy on the Bar) no less than 15 minutes from our house. So, we only ate out when we were on all day excursions like running errands or visiting people. Most times we made it home by dinner. My kids probably eat out once every 10-14 days. I think that’s alot, isn’t it? Not enough for Geetle. I think she likes restaurants because she has figured out that EVERY kids menu item comes with French Fries.

How often should kids eat out? There are money issues and health issues associated with the question. But in one of life’s greatest ironies, it is parents, those responsible for the fiscal education and health of children, who NEED the assistance of restaurants! What is the answer?

I found this at Menards last year and it was great! I am planning on using it again this year:

Qualco Inc’s Pool Aid “Hygenic Powder for Kiddy and Wading Pools”.

It comes 6 packets to a box ($3.09 retail). We sprinkle a 1/3 packet in the wading pool every few days. There are instructions on the back of the box for different size pools. The powder keeps the pool water sparkling clean. All you have to do is use a skimmer to fish out any big debris that finds its way into your pool. You won’t have to change the water as often and you’ll know its clean and safe.

I tried to find a link online for the product and could not. The company’s website is www.qualco.com. They have an email form, if you are looking for the product in your area and cannot find it.

No more slimy pools!