Be A Good Mom

We finally decided to get a larger fridge. We were tired of putting pizza boxes in sideways and cramming the door shelf back on once a week. We ordered this Amana 25 cu ft fridge from Sears last week. Its big. Its 35 1/2 inches across. I had measured our opening and it was 36 inches, so I was proud that we were maximizing our investment and getting the biggest one that would fit.

Well, when it got here yesterday, I learned something. Irwin, the delivery man, taught me a little something about measuring the opening for appliances. You can’t measure from wall to wall. You have to measure across the floor, from the edge of the baseboard trim to the other side of the opening. Aha. Well, so my opening was more like 35 inches, not 36 inches. BAGD, Irwin and his 2 helpers had to chisel the trim boards off the wall in order to squeeze the fridge in. It fits, but its tight. I was also reminded that almost nothing in a house is perfectly “Square”, so the cabinet just to the right of the fridge almost had to come out, because it tilts a bit to the outside, making the opening cock-eyed.

But in the end, the fridge fits and looks great. Now we just have to replace the trim boards. I guess BAGD also “chiseled” the floor boards a bit. I do not want to know. As long as its behind the fridge, I can ignore it. Its not like anyone is getting back there to look at it…trust me.

Take a lesson from Irwin, when you measure for a new appliance, include the space taken up by the trim boards. It could be enough to sink your dream of a 25 cubic ft fridge. It almost sunk mine.

We have 2 playground swings in our basement. Last summer we had noticed that Pookie really enjoys swinging and the motion seems to center him. Then we did some research and learned that this is very true for alot of autistic children. I bought these swings on the internet and BAGD hung them from the ceiling with swingset brackets.

We are careful not to swing for more than 10-15 minutes at a time. We do not want Pookie to get too dependent on the sensation. But to be honest, I think he does it more for fun than anything. We do not use them so much in the Summer, but I know they will come in handy next winter.

Pookie does not do any “stimming” other than the occasional random dance move or purposely falling down. If he did, I wonder if the swing would help. Either way, he enjoys it, and so does Geetle.

Well, the big day has come and gone.  Not only did we survive, we did great.  Pookie was the ring-bearer and Geetle was the flower girl.  They each were dressed to the nines.

I had naively assumed that a 4 year olds junior tuxedo was going to be simpler and fewer pieces than a real grown up tuxedo.  I was imagining some sort of part onesie- part dickey snap on suit.  But that is not the case.  Pookie had it all…vest, tie, shiny shoes, jacket, even cuff-links.   We expected that he might not like the suit, but he was fine.  He even found that the shoes made a  great noise on the church floor.

Geetle had a princess dress, tights and shoes with “diamond” buckles.  She wore her hair in a ponytail with the ends curled and pinned under.   She liked her shoes so much that she kept them on for dancing.    She also enjoyed the hat Aunt Shel got for her which said “Flower Girl.”  She wore it thru the reception.

So, it went great, how did it happen?

Before the ceremony, we unveiled a bag of dollar store toys which kept the kids busy until it was time for pictures and the processional.  We also stashed picture books and baggies of life cereal in our pew.  As soon as the kids walked down the aisle, they sat down and quietly ate their cereal and looked at books.  Not a peep.  No echolalia either.  We were prepared to let things unfold naturally.  We never really try to stop Pookie’s echolalia, but sometimes when its disruptive (like at the movies or church) we take him out of the room and explain that some places are for loud and some places are for quiet.   During the rehearsal, he was talking loudly about robots, so we were very proud of him when he did not say a word during the actual ceremony.

After the ceremony, BAGD let the kids run up and down the lawn in front of the church.  Then the kids decided they were tired and wanted to sit in the car.  Because it was parked literally RIGHT IN FRONT of the church and we were standing right there, we rolled down the windows and let them.  Before long, a parade of old ladies was crowded around our minivan telling them how cute they looked.  And there sat my kids, fully buckled, finishing up their snacks.

At the reception, the kids were served a special kids entree, smiley face french fries and chicken nuggets.   We also let them experiment with the china and crystal, which they knew was a big deal.  They both enjoyed drinking out of the coffee cups.  Nothing broke.   While the kids ate, they played with the special toys Shel and Mark had put at each kids place-setting.  After we ate, there was already a small wedding cake waiting for us, right on our table.  Each table had a different flavor.  We let the kids cut the cake; we were sitting with Mamaw, Papaw, Great Grandma Jones and Great Grandma and Grandpa Bluegrass, so they did not mind lopsided pieces.

After eating large quantities of cake, the kids were ready to dance it off.  Very soon after we finished up, the  musics started and the kids were off to the dance floor.  The both danced for at least an hour.  Their styles are very similar, but Geetle is more of a booty-shaker while Pookie covers more ground when he dances, moving all over the floor.

Shel and Mark also gave the kids casual outfits to wear at the reception.  We waited a while to put them on (because I wanted a family picture with us all in our fancy pants).  The outfits included baseball hats embroidered “flower girl” and “ring bearer”.  I think those were my favorite, but Geetle liked the CARS T-shirt better.

At the end of the night, I pulled 42 bobby pins out of my hairdo and 26 out of Geetle’s.   Pookie’s tuxedo was in a crumpled ball, wrinkly but clean (he wore a pull-up to the wedding, but kept it dry all night!).  BAGD was wishing Shel had gotten him a casual outfit to wear at the reception.  I was reasonably comfortable (for a pregnant woman in a formal dress) but tired of constantly adjusting my enormous pregnancy cleavage to prevent a wardrobe malfunction.   We drove home, arriving in our beds just before 11pm.  It was a 16 hour day, but well-worth it.   I;ll post pictures as soon as Shel gets them back from the photog.

*******Enough about me and my kids…let me tell you that Shel looked great.  She had a diamond tiara, more of a headband really, which looked very pretty in her dark hair.  She has had problems with her feet lately, but still managed to wear her pretty wedding shoes all night.  She cried when we expected her to, and giggled when we knew she would.  Mark did not look nervous.  He had that look that you want in a groom….not cocky, taking the ceremony just serious enough, but still enjoying the awesomeness of the whole thing.    I almost missed their first dance, because I was taking someone to the potty, but I got back in time to see the end.  They looked very happy.  I know they are.

Finally, for those of you who wonder what brides and grooms secretly talk about up at the unity candle when they are supposed to be thinking of how their lives are being turned from two to one….I know.  I can read lips and I had a good seat.  Shel asked Mark how her make up looked.  He said fine.  She said what about over here.  He said fine.  She said what about my eyes.  He said fine.  She dabbed it anyway.

1. Shuffling around on dirty floors that you cannot bend down to mop. (Yes, I know they make mops on a stick, but I like to do it with a rag. Its the baseboards that are annoying me and you can’t get those with a stick mop.)

2. Uncomfortable chairs. Which is 98% of all chairs.

3. People who give you the “you should not be lifting that” look, but don’t offer to help.

4. Hairy legs that you cannot comfortably shave. I figure I have the strength and flexibility to shave just one more time. I am saving it for the night before Aunt Shel’s wedding.

5. Spending weeks making a beautiful nursery and then having nothing to do in there but sit in the rocking chair and say “Ho Hum.” I do that just about every night after we put Pookie and Geetle to bed, by the way.

6. Maternity clothes that you worry might not “make it.” I am 7 months along…and some of my maternity pants are a bit tight. I still have 2 months!

7. Seatbelts. Wear it below the belly, they say. Yeah, OK. What if your belly rests on the tops of your thighs when you drive. Do you tuck it under? That just hurts.

8. Not being able to play Pookie’s favorite game, which is a kind of human pin-ball game in which he pretends to bump into you and ricochet off.

9. Rolling over in bed. I need one of those monkey-bar things they hang over hospital beds, to give sick people something to grab onto when they maneuver in bed.

10. Not being able to sit on the floor and play puzzles with Geetle.

11. The fact that EVERY maternity shirt/dress seems to have a sash and bow that ties in the back. So, while I am trying to get comfortable in the chair, I have to worry about the gigantic fabric knot that is poking into my spine as well.

12. Trying to remember the EXACT last time I felt the baby kick, so I can determine if its been too long.

13. The fact that it is socially acceptable for everyone to tell a pregnant woman how tired she looks. Gee, thanks; that’s helpful. I think you look rude.

14. Standing up and literally feeling the waistband on my underwear roll slowly over my bump and down to my hip bones. Creepy.

Yesterday I wrote about some of my baby shower gift ideas. They are good ideas, but I never give that as a gift, to be honest. I always give Robeez shoes. They are unique and no one ever gets the same thing. Plus they are very practical. We will be getting Taco Supreme a pair soon. Geetle likes the pink tennis shoes. She had the pink kitties, purple butterflies and white dragon flies when she was young. Pookie likes the Giraffes (he has a thing for giraffes lately). He had the red monkeys, the blue tennis shoes and the green lizards when he was younger.

These shoes are great for lots of reasons. They do not fall off, they are washable, they are cute, they are flexible and they are recommended by doctors. Check out BAGD’s old post for some pictures of my kids in their shoes.

As a parent, I can tell you a few key items that every parent should have. These would not get any “oohs” or “ahhs” at a baby shower, but they are VERY important. Maybe they are more for the parents than the baby, but a happy parent makes for a happy baby!

1. A little, itty-bitty, teeny-weeney screw driver. So many children’s toys and pieces of baby equipment come with a screwed-shut battery compartment. You need a small screw driver to get in there.

2. Kitchen Shears. When the baby gets older, it gets tiring cutting up pancakes, toast, hotdogs, pizzas, etc into bite-size pieces. A pair of kitchen shears (scissors) works great and then you can toss them into the dishwasher.

3. Wire Snippers. For opening toys again. Be like Uncle JB and carry yours in your pocket on Christmas Day. You will be the most popular guy in the room. Toy manufacturers wire those toys in so tight that if it weren’t for Uncle JB, we would not get into ours until New Year’s.

4. Rechargeable Batteries. For the toys again.

5. Storage boxes of every size and shape. As the kids get older, you need alot of those Rubbermaid-type boxes to store things in (Mr. Potatohead and all his pieces, the puzzle whose box was accidentally peed on during a potty-training boot camp session, blocks, etc)

6. A small cooler, a little bigger than a lunch box. You will use it for milk/formula when the baby is young. Then you will see how much a kids meal at the zoo costs (and how little your toddler will actually eat of it) and start packing PBJs. You’ll use it every week.

Can you think of any others?

I saw this girl at the zoo. Isn’t she ridiculous? And I thought I had fun that day. Sheesh!

I read one of those “Dear Abby” type columns the other day and saw an interesting discussion. The person had written in to lament how she was reasonably successful, smart with her money, paid attention to her children’s well-being, kept a clean house and treated others fairly.

Doesn’t sound so bad. But she was unhappy because her sister was the complete opposite. Her sister wasted her money, had several bad habits, couldn’t hold a job, screamed at her kids, had “questionable” friends and lived in a messy house. The problem, in the writers eyes, was that their mother virtually ignored her (the good sister) and paid all her attention to the bad sister. Mom paid the bad sister’s bills, watched her kids, cleaned her house, made excuses for her behavior and was generally concerned with her well-being. While the good sister did not get any such attention.

The columnist called this “The Curse of the Competent.” It means that we tend to focus our attention on the person we think needs it most, which sometimes means that we ignore those who we think are getting along fine without us.

As a parent, I see myself doing this. Pookie requires more daily attention, but not any more love than Geetle. I work hard every day to make sure that she gets just as much attention as he does. I need reminders sometime; this article was a good one.

I think its just human nature to make most of your interactions with other people more reactive than proactive. You see a situation and you react. Rarely do we proactively say or do something. The mom in the article saw her messy daughter had a hard time keeping her house clean, so she mopped the floors. That’s reactive, and it probably did help the messy daughter. To act in a proactive way, she should say to the other daughter, “I see that you have been very busy with work and managing your house, can I take the kids to the movies on Saturday and give you some time off?”

Basically, the message I got out of the article was that you can’t assume that the “competent” don’t need your help and attention. You should not give them less attention. You should give them a different kind of attention, but not less.

This article is timely for us for another reason. We have a newborn on the way. After the baby comes, Pookie and Geetle will have to get used to BAGD and I spending more time with the baby. It would not be fair for us to shortchange Pookie and Geetle’s needs. We will work very hard on this, because its important.

A cute picture for Grandma to show Papa, next time she checks my blog.

While we all had a great time at Winnie’s birthday party the other night, there was one black cloud hanging over the festivities. We are hamster sitting for Aunt Shel’s furry friend, Crash, while she gets ready for her wedding and honeymoon. Crash and Winnie do not socialize, but they are aware of each other. So, we thought, what a coincidence, Crash can come to the birthday party. We’ll put them each in their own ball and have hamster races at the end of the party.

But then Crash disappeared. We came down one morning and he was gone. Unfortunately, Geetle blamed this on Pookie and we believed her for a little while. Then we determined that Crash had busted out thru the top of his cage, popping the tape that Aunt Shel had put there to prevent that very thing.

So, he has been on the lam for about 4 days now. We have a carrot in the middle of the kitchen floor, just waiting for him to come and get it. Its gone limp by now, and we have no sign of Crash.

Winnie got out once, the morning BAGD and I were to leave for our cruise. But BAGD is smarter than the average domesticated animal, so he rigged a trap. He put Winnie’s food in a bowl inside her cage (a fish tank at that point), made a ramp so that she could walk up to the top of the cage and jump (fall!) into the cage, but could not get out again. It worked within 12 hours. Unfortunately, Crash is not falling for this trick.

Come to think of it, Winnie got out another time. She lives in the basement playroom, but when she got out that time, we found her under the stove. She apparently walked up the stairs and thru an old cat door we have in the door leading to the basement. I saw her, got her a carrot and she came out. That’s why I thought a carrot would work on Crash.

According to this website, it is best to find the hamster within a few days. We are already at 4 days, so our window is closing. We just thought he would come back on his own. But tonite I am going to try the peanut butter mentioned in the article. Maybe the carrot was not the best bait. Uncle JB is here tonite. Maybe I can get him and BAGD to look under the furniture and appliances (Crash was bunking in the dining room). I would do it myself, but if I do and then I go into early labor, I don’t really think it was worth it. Sorry Crash.