Be A Good Mom

Last night we celebrated a very important day, Winnie the Hamster’s Birthday. Geetle had decided a few weeks ago that Winnie should have a birthday, but since we did not know when she was born, Geetle would pick the day. It was July 24th.

Geetle did alot of planning, she send out invitations, including one to Winnie herself and Grandma V. She decide we should have pizza and cupcakes for dinner. She made party hats and a paper chain for decorations. Grandma helped her with the cupcakes and they even colored their own wrapping paper for Winnie’s gift and bought some balloons.

During the party, Winnie ate in the kitchen with us, in a big red Rubbermaid box. Geetle cut up some carrots for her to eat and she stuffed them all in her cheek pouches. We talked about the first day we met Winnie, how we picked out her name and the time she got loose when we were on vacation.

At the end of the meal, Geetle helped Winnie open all her presents, showing each one to Winnie. Then we put on our party hats and had cupcakes.

I do not think any Hamster ever had a better birthday party. Winnie is lucky to have a friend like Geetle to plan such an event.

1. Someone sitting in the crook of my arm.

2. Knowing that I am #1, the most important thing in the universe to another person. My influence continues to spread. I really might take over the world someday.

3. One piece pajama/day wear outfits. Is it pajamas or is it a casual suit? You decide! There is no wrong answer and a baby looks good in one, day or night.

4. Little fists and feet.

5. Pushing a stroller. I really feel naked at the mall with out one. Seriously. I have to carry my soda cup in my purse because I have no integrated beverage holder!

6. Diaper bags. They really are handy to carry around. I put some of my own things in there.

7. Starting over with first everythings.

8. Teaching Geetle and Pookie how to be the big sister and big brother.

9. 6 weeks off of work, even if I am more busy with the baby than I was with work.

10. A pack n’ play in my home office, when I do go back to work.

11. Watching Geetle and Pookie get used to and welcome our new addition.

12. Watching BAGD do the super-dad thing. He is really good at it.

13. Doing the “Mommy Sway.” You know it. That side to side motion we all instinctively make when we hold a baby.

14. Revealing the name we have chosen….assuming we decide on one before then.

15. Rediscovering all the clothes on the “other side” of my closet. I had bought some nice things for our cruise in January. Wore them once, then got pregnant by early Feb. They had better all fit next spring.

16. Our baby.

I read in a parenting magazine that when you give a child some instructions and they don’t comply, you should ask them to repeat the instructions, rather than yelling or you repeating the directions. Sounds simple enough, but, boy does it work! Pookie often gets distracted and sometimes acts stubbornly (2 different things). So, to keep him on track, we often ask him “what did I say?” He usually can repeat it back, which proves that he does get it. Then he gets on with the business and follows the directions. I think this would also be very helpful for a child with ADHD-type issues. I do not know much about that, but it seems like any kid who gets distracted easily (which is 98% of those ages 2-8) would benefit from this strategy.

Ok, I have to admit something.  I am pregnant, but I am mobile and having a perfectly normal pregnancy.  But,  sometimes I ham it up a bit.  If someone crowds me at Wal-Mart, doesn’t hold open a door or looks like they are not going to stop at the crosswalk, I give them “the manuever.”

I put my hand on my stomach and lean back a bit.  That’s the universal sign for “I’m pregnant, buddy!  Mind your manners.  Whatever you are doing at this exact moment is not nearly as important as what I got goin’ on in here.  I win.”

Its pretty cool.  Its like flashing celebrity credentials.   Haha.

I get a fair amount of search engine traffic asking the question “how to be a good mom.” Based on the title of my blog, you might think I have the answer. Well, I don’t think I really do. But, I can say that this blog helps me work towards it. Writing this blog makes me very aware of what I think, do and say, as it affects my kids. It calms me. It makes me feel more in control of my life. It helps me see the patterns in my kids’ life and my parenting. Being self-aware is a very empowering thing. Sometimes I do not like what see, so I try to change it. Other times, I am proud of what I see and give myself the earned pat-on-the back.

To those who find my blog asking “how to be a good mom,” I offer this list. Its not complete, but its a good start. Hopefully, you are searching the internet for this question because you want to be more self-aware too. Chances are, you are already a good Mom, you’re just need to realize it.

1. Trust your instincts. If you think you will feel better buying the baby monitor with the TV screen, then do it. But if you realize it will lead to obsessing about whether or not the baby is breathing, then don’t. If someone tells you your baby looks flushed and you disagree, you are probably right.

2. Trust your kids. If they indicate they are ready for grown-up forks and deciding for themselves how much toilet paper to use, then they probably are. If they make a mistake, help them learn from it and move on. You knew that someday they would grow up, you don’t want to be pouring the milk for a 12 year old anyway, do you?

3. Don’t be a single parent unless that is your official classification. My husband is a 100% parent and so am I. He takes care of poop accidents, he makes ponytails, he cooks, he laces shoes. Not every day, not every time. But neither do I. But between the two of us, it gets done. Having a good Dad makes you a good Mom, and vice versa.

4. Talk it out. Talk to your kids. Talk to your spouse. Life is a battlefield and you need a plan. If you wander through life, then you will get nowhere. But if you have some sort of plan or purposeful response to a parenting situation, you will do better. After a troublesome day, BAGD and I often talk about ideas for next time. How can we reduce Geetle’s sassy talk; maybe we should implement a reward system. How can we keep Pookie from accidentally dressing himself out of Geetle’s side of the closet; maybe we should hang a scarf on the closet rod to separate the sides.

5. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If making cupcakes for preschool is fun for you, do it. But if its not, then buy them at the grocery store. Parenting magazines are great for ideas, but NO ONE can possibly do all those crafts, made-up backyard games, finger puppet plays and funny face veggie pizzas. By my estimation, the average Mom (who is probably also a “good mom”) does less than 5% of the things in the magazine. Your kids would love a funny-face pizza, sure. But they would rather have you spray them with the garden hose or listen to their 10 minute story about the pile of dirt behind the fence at preschool.

6. Your kids are part of your life, your whole life. I take my kids to the grocery store, Jiffy Lube, the bank, and Great Grandma Jones’ antique-saturated home. If you learn to integrate your kids into your normal everyday life, you will get to spend more time with them, you will teach them how to behave in different situations and you will be able to get all the necessary tasks of life done.

7 . Try to be organized. This can be a hard one, but it really makes a difference. When your physical surroundings are chaotic, so is your mind. At the bare minimum, organize the parts of your life that directly affect your parenting. I have a giant box of household papers that I know I will never file; I stuff them in the sump pump closet in the basement. But, my the closet my b/g twins share is organized by gender and type of clothing. I have hundreds of recipe clippings that I stuff into a folder, making them useless. But, we keep our 25+ piece Mr. PotatoHead set all together in a lidded plastic box with his picture taped to the side.

8.  Keep your sense of humor.  Stepping in poop that fell out of someone’s droopy pull-up is funny.  Explaining why some peepees have hair on them is funny.  Realizing that someone let the hamster out is funny.  Cutting a patch of maple syrup-encrusted hair out of your daughter’s ponytail 5 minutes before the bus comes is funny.   Hearing your son belt out “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” at the top of his lungs at the bank to hear the echo is funny.    You might not realize it immediately, but its true.  If you don’t think so, try telling one of your stressful parenting stories to the Grandpa and see if he laughs.  If he laughs, its funny.

9.  You reap what you sow.  Screamers beget screamers.   Whiners beget whiners.  Do you know why Geetle listens to me when I tell her to pick up her toys?  Because I listen to her when she tells me her theory on why car tires have silver stars in the middle (hubcaps).   Why is Pookie willing to sit still in the doctor’s waiting room?  Because I sit quietly and cuddle with him on the couch at home. 

10.  Let your first thought and consideration when making any decision or action be “what about my kids?”  Really, if you do this one, you can skip all the other rules you read here or in any parenting book.   This is the silver bullet of good mothering. 

What’s Expensive
What’s Not

• Kids Pajamas
• A pack of white t-shirts and a pack of boxer shorts

• Books at Border’s
• Books at the Library or Good Will

• Individual snack sized bags of crackers
• A box of crackers and a box of ziploc bags

• Lunchables
• Small cookie cutters to make cool shaped cheese and meat, which is what they want anyway.

• Art Supplies Oct-May
• Art Supplies June-September (It’s back to school season, stock up!)

• Cool, colored socks that get lost in the wash
• White, gender-neutral athletic socks that are more functional anyway.

• Anything sold in the Baby Aisle
• Any of the same product, NOT sold in the baby aisle (think children’s step stools, sun shades for the car, hair brushes, fragrance/dye free laundry detergent, classical music CDs, etc. Always a cheaper version in the regular aisles, but watch for safety issues.

• Toddler bed blankets
• 2 yards of polar fleece.  Enough to cover the bed, no need to hem, but you can fray the edges for a decorative effect.

• Coloring books
• print outs from www.pbs.org or www.sesamestreet.org.

I have said before that I am cheap, but lazy. I know that disposable diapers are more expensive than cloth ones and that juice boxes are more expensive per ounce than a bottle of juice. But sometimes, I make a lifestyle decision. I find somethings to be worth the extra money; everyone draws their line in a different place. I think that’s fine. Sometimes being the smartest consumer just means being the most aware. Sometimes I am aware that I am being reamed on the price, but I am OK with that. But sometimes, just knowing the cheaper alternative helps you know where to draw your line.

zxcvbnm

zoo (spelled all by herself)

Geetle (Editors note: she typed her real name, but I changed it)
dfyczzcuuytopjyhm (at one point it had “too many z’s,” and she asked how to erase some)

mamaw (I assume she talks about me on Mamaw’s blog.)

pookie (Editors note: he actually typed his real name, but I changed it.)

cat (I suggested a word, and he spelled it on his own.)

golqd (I think this was “dog” gone wrong)

dog (here he got it right on his own.)

There alot of reasons to visit your child’s classroom at school, but here is another one. Teachers have alot of really good ideas for things you can copy at home, like this one:

Almost everything at preschool has a home. A nice neat and tidy home. In order to do so, the teachers give everything place and label it so everyone knows what lives there. So simple, but I would not have thought of labeling the containers until I saw it at school. We do this at home now and it has really made cleaning up so much easier. The kids handle alot of these things independently now.

I think BAGD likes it too, because he never seems to understand why I put things where I do. Now all he has to do it follow the pictures too.

That’s right, Pookie and I are taking it up a notch.  Like any new potty-trainer, he sometimes takes the lazy route and “accidentally” pees on the floor when it’s too much work to run to the bathroom.  Well, I am on to it and Mommy don’t play that game.

He knows he gets M&Ms if he pees in the potty.  Now its time to learn what you DON’T get if you DON’T pee in the potty,  BAGD takes away whatever he was playing with or doing when the laziness struck.  I do the same, but I also choose to remind him that he missed an opportunity for M&Ms.   That means I give him the M&Ms and then take them away.  That may sound cruel, but Pookie only gets the really concrete stuff in life.  That’s part of autism.  He yelled at me the first few times, sure.  But now, when it happens and I try to give him the M&Ms, he won’t take them, because he knows I am just going to snatch them away again.   So, I think that means the gets it.  He will even say “No M&Ms.  Pee in the underwear.”

I’m proud of him, because he is getting it.  I will be even prouder when he gets past this phase.  But, it is just a phase.  All new potty-trainers go through it.  It has nothing to do with autism.   I remind myself of that every day.  I also remind Pookie of that.   Autism is not a free ticket out of all responsibilities in life.   It means somethings require modification.  We treat him easier on some points, sure.  But we also treat him harder on others.   That’s life…life with autism and life without.