Be A Good Mom

I gained 9 pounds between my last two prenatal appointments, about 18 days. But I had not gained anything in the month prior, so it balances out. I am not worried about it, I am working on a big baby, I will admit that. Bigger is healthier. The part that bothers me is that it is getting noticeably harder for me to carry the weight. I really feel it. My feet hurt. I can hardly roll over in bed. My back is starting to hurt and my feet are swollen at night. So, I guess I am officially in the final weeks. I have 6 more weeks to go. The interesting part it that I AM 100% OK WITH IT, but perfect strangers think my size is a problem.

I was telling my family today how ironic it is that if a woman has a low birth weight baby, she is often “blamed” for something she did. Its probably a silent type of blame, few people would actually say it to the new mother. But the implication is that somehow the mom made it happen. There are, of course, real things that a mother does or fails to do, that can cause poor birth weight, but alot of babies are just born early or small, thru no one’s fault. On the flip side, if you have a healthy pregnancy and gain a good amount of weight, taking things full term, and having a healthy sized 7-9 lb baby…chances are that multiple times throughout your pregnancy someone told you that you were too big. People say

• “I can’t believe you haven’t had that baby yet!”
• “Look at you, your as big as a house!”
• “Whoa! You’re taking that eating for 2 thing seriously , aren’t you?”
• “Are you sure its not twins?” (really funny to a parent who has already had twins. hardyharhar.)

What’s the option here people? How do these comments help? Do you want me to “diet” and have a 4 lb anemic baby? Should I join you in your weight obsession or will you just admit that you are jealous that I can eat whatever I want? There are so many other things we could make small talk about, things that still have to do with the baby. Why does conversation always have to go to the weight? Would you say “boy, that’s quite a hump back you are getting there” to an elderly woman? Would you say “I bet you are saving a ton of money on shampoo” to a balding man?

I have a friend at work who is 29 weeks pregnant. When I see her, about every week or so, I often say “Ohhh! Look at you!” But its because she is starting to fill out and I am happy for her. To me, the bigger the better. I am proud of her (and me) for our rotundness.

This is not a picture of me, its of Shel. But her expression reminds me of something I have been meaning to blog about.

I got my hair cut. Very Short. I had it very short once before, when Pookie and Geetle were about 18 months old. It was short enough to cut off all the natural curl and I could sort of slick it down. It looked pretty cute, I thought. And after years of having hair with a mind of its own, it was wonderful to be liberated from the daily effort it takes to keep natural curls under control. I especially loved that it was smooth! And when I moved my head, I felt nothing! No hair moving at all!

I decided to get it cut short again, right after Shel’s wedding. But this time, I forgot to consider the fact that I am actively pregnant. I think that fact caused my hair to freak out a bit. There is no smooth ‘do now. I cannot keep the curls down. So, I decided to work it and I fluff up the curls, even though they stick out like little ducktails. I tell myself, its only hair and it will grow back. I don’t really like it right now, but I am dealing with it.

But people tell me they DO like it. Joe at work told me it was “chic.” BAGD says its “spunky.” Beth said she wishes she had the nerve to cut hers like this and showed me the “I am being polite” face she would make if she was lying. But I still have in the back of my mind that it is a bad haircut. So, sometimes when I pass a mirror and check myself out, I shock myself. I think I don’t like it…but then when I see it, I think “hmmmm, it is kind of cute. I guess they were right. I am smokin’.”

(not to imply that Shel did not like her wedding hairdo. She did; we all loved it. She looked very Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I just like her expression in this photo. Its like she had no clue how great she would look. Silly Rabbit.)

I guess my only really important thing to say in this post is one of two things:

1. Don’t get a radical haircut when you are pregnant. Your hair will freak out.

2. If you do end up with a haircut that you question, don’t be so surprised when you find out that other people like it. And don’t be surprised when you find that you like it too…a little bit.

OK! I have been promising to answer the last great unsolved question on the internet…and here it is:

What is the best stroller board and stroller combination to buy for a family that uses Graco Saferide carseats and needs a stroller board that can hold a preschooler who weighs over 40 pounds?

The answer is: A Kolcraft Contours Options 4 wheeler stroller and a Lascal Kiddyboard!

I finally have this whole thing figured out. I have it all assembled and its great. The Kolcraft stroller fits Graco carseats, so we can re-use the ones from the twins. Also, the Stroller has a strong rear axle to hold the stroller board (boogie board). The stroller does not have a parents snack tray, it has a cup holder that sits to the outside of the stroller, thereby allowing the preschooler to stand * in front* of the stroller handle (closer to the stroller seat) and lean back on the curved handle for safety and comfort. Also, the Lascal Kiddyboard, even though it says it only holds 44 lbs on Amazon, really holds 66 lbs, per the Lascal customer service department. Done and done!

I cannot wait to try it out. I have given Pookie and Geetle rides around the dining room. They seem to like it. The only thing is that we *might* have to put a counterweight in the front of the stroller, in the basket. I think the fact that we were wheeling around on carpet was probably what threw the balance off, but if not, we will just use a counter weight. A 5 lb dumbbell ought to do it.

So, there you go. I get alot of search traffic on this topic, and I did ALOT of research myself before I bought my items. So, I am glad to provide this important public service information.

Geetle invented a way to send messages to the baby.  She mails the baby things, and kisses, through my ears.  Every night, she asks me “which mailbox?” and I tilt my head one way or the other.  Then she blows a kiss in my direction, for the baby.  Sometimes, she will tell me “I sent her a bunny doll too” or  “I sent her a book to read so she will not get bored.”  Its very cute and she does it every day.  She might just burst with excitement when the baby is born. 

BAGD is the hardest-working man in fatherhood. This week, a typical week, he did the grocery shopping, climbed into the attic 3 times to investigate a potential leak, cleaned out the nasty hamster cage, took each of the kids shopping (individually) for a new fish, worked thru a 90 minute throw-down temper tantrum with Pookie, repaired some mysterious broken part on our dishwasher, made 6 ponytails, cleaned out a part of the dryer’s lint trap that I did not know even existed, worked his regular 40 hr a week job, did some overtime on another project, helped one of his blog friends fix her page load speed, took time off to meet Pookie’s new teacher, cleaned the bathrooms and came with me to a preschool birthday party because it was at a bowling alley and I am not supposed to be throwing bowling balls at this point in my pregnancy. I am sure he also did some laundry, took out the garbage, cleaned up toys and loaded the dishwasher a few times. I don’t even keep track of those routine things. He probably drove me to Mamaw’s or my parent’s house at least once too. He always does the big driving. Luckily, swimming lessons are over for the season, of that would have been 2 trips downtown this week too. Busy week. Normal week.

But being busy is not necessarily what its all about. Sure, he keeps busy, but is that all? No, its not. He is fully in the game. Typical gender roles dictate that I be the lead caregiver and household manager. But is that what we really have here? I act like I am in charge, but I am in no position to boss him around. He is just as much in charge as I am. He does not just phone it in. He is clocked in and ready to go. I am not trying to make it look like “he is a big help to me.” What I am saying is that is half of everything that goes on around here. He is not my parenting assistant. He is not my household vice president. Sure, we each have our spheres of influence, but those are defined by our capabilities, skills and interests, not antiquated gender roles.

You know how women get together and sometimes the conversation turns to husband-bashing? When I find myself in those kind of conversations, I have to make things up. Its peer pressure. No one would believe me if I told them the truth. He’s the best.

I love you BAGD.

I had a great birthday.  Thanks to everyone who called, emailed or visited.  A special thanks to Aunt Shel who left me a phone message singing “Happy Birthday” in the most pitiful, cracked, bronchitis-suffering voice I have ever heard.  I hope you feel better soon.

Geetle and Pookie told me Happy Birthday first thing this morning.  Geetle did forget to give me the picture I know she is hiding under her bed, I will have to ask her for that tomorrow morning.  They each picked me out a nice present and cartoon cards.  Geetle gave me a box that she said looks like a treasure chest.  Pookie gave me a blue shirt, just like the ones he likes to wear.  BAGD tried to give me a present, but I inadvertently messed it up for him.  He had bought me some new clothes, a shirt and 2 pair of maternity pants.  But I have been feeling VERY uncomfortable lately and announced last week that I had given up pants for the duration of my pregnancy.   But although I am not wearing pants anymore, I am in the market for some new maternity dresses, so I will just exchange them.

We had dinner at the Olive Garden, not my usual place.  But I saw the commercial a few weeks ago and started thinking about the soup they have there.  So we went.  It was good, the soup was my favorite part.  My second favorite part (tie) was when:

• Pookie suddenly got up from the table to do his Ruff Ruffman impersonation
• Geetle started air juggling because the Muzac at the Olive Garden sounds like circus music to her.

We finished the night with a little ice cream and then home to bed.  I got several unexpected “Happy Birthdays” today.  Geetle apparently spread the word at school and I got a “Happy Birthday” from the lady who helps the kids get on the buses at school and from the mother of one of her classmates.  In addition to the cards from family and friends, I also got a card from our financial planner, our insurance agent and the Goodwill!

Some other people had a birthday today too.  Some very nice people.   I hope they enjoyed their birthdays too.   If that particular Birthday person happens to read my blog before Sunday, he and his wife ought to know that they are invited to my house Sunday at 5pm for a little lasagna and cake…a combined birthday for me and Papaw (and him, if he comes!).

Yesterday I wrote my shout-out to Geetle. I was going to write one to Pookie today, but I decided that much of this blog is a shout-out to him. Scan through the “Autism” category and you will see that alot of the posts are not about “autism” per se, they are about Pookie and how he rocks. I might just change the title of that category to “Pookie Rocks”. That would be more fair.

So, Pookie, my shout-out to you is the entire contents of this blog. You’re a good kid. You have autism. So what. I have a mustache. We’ll both do fine in life. Every day you remind me that life is made up of a million little moments, some are good and some are bad, but in the end you need both. Its like that cheesy line in that George Burns movie. I can’t believe I remember this, but in one of those “Oh God” movies, George Burns (GOD) is asked how come he lets so many bad things happen. He says have you ever seen a top without a bottom, a inside without an outside? No, that can’t exist. You can’t have one without the other because if you did, how would you know what you had? You won’t know its a top, unless you also see the bottom. You won’t know something is good unless you also see something bad. Sure, sometimes its rough for me, but I know there are times when its rough for you too. In the end we can always sit on the couch together and wait for it to blow over.

So, that is where we stand, you and me. Not as “autistic boy” and “mom of autistic boy” but as regular old Pookie and Mom. We would have our ups and downs no matter what. That’s just the way life is. I appreciate that you always give me 100%, so I work hard to do the same for you.

To all my family/friend readers: Geetle’s preschool is selling tubs of frozen cookie dough again this year. Its $10 per tub; each makes 4 dozen cookies. She sold these last year and they were tasty! If you would like to order, let me know. You can email me or leave a comment. Check or Cash. If you already know the name of her school…great. Otherwise you can make a check payable to me and I will order it all at once. Orders are taken thru 10/1. Delivery is after 11/7.

To all my non-family/friend readers: You are welcome to order, but you will have to pick the dough up on the corner, since I am not willing to mail it and I am not telling you where we live. HAHAHAHA!

Hey, there. This is BeAGoodDad hijacking this blog for a second.

Today is BeAGoodMom’s birthday. Happy Birthday, BeAGoodMom!