Be A Good Mom

I am guilty.  I forget we are at war.  I rarely watch the news and its easy to skip those articles in the newspaper.  I forget that alot of people are not where they want to be this Christmas.  I forget that some people have made great sacrifices, now and in the past, in the name of American pride and freedom.  I got a reminder the other day.

I am pleased to be on the mailing list for the official publication of the Eighth Air Force Second Air Division Association.  These are veterans of WWII and I read their Journal for interesting stories and historical facts about that time period.  But as they remember their service in WWII, they also remember service men and women active today.  This is the poem they chose for the cover of their Winter edition.  Thanks for the reminder.

‘Twas The Night Before Christmas,
He Lived All Alone,
In A One Bedroom House
Made Of Plaster And Stone.

I Had Come Down The Chimney
With Presents To Give,
And To See Just Who
In This Home Did Live.

I Looked All About,
A Strange Sight I Did See,
No Tinsel, No Presents,
Not Even A Tree.

No Stocking By Mantle,
Just Boots Filled With Sand,
On The Wall Hung Pictures
Of Far Distant Lands.

With Medals And Badges,
Awards Of All Kinds,
A Sober Thought
Came Through My Mind.

For This House Was Different,
It Was Dark And Dreary,
I Found The Home Of A Soldier,
Once I Could See Clearly.

The Soldier Lay Sleeping,
Silent, Alone,
Curled Up On The Floor
In This One Bedroom Home.

The Face Was So Gentle,
The Room In Such Disorder,
Not How I Pictured
A United States Soldier.

Was This The Hero
Of Whom I’d Just Read?
Curled Up On A Poncho,
The Floor For A Bed?

I Realized The Families
That I Saw This Night,
Owed Their Lives To These Soldiers
Who Were Willing To Fight.

Soon Round The World,
The Children Would Play,
And Grownups Would Celebrate
A Bright Christmas Day.

They All Enjoyed Freedom
Each Month Of The Year,
Because Of The Soldiers,
Like The One Lying Here.

I Couldn’t Help Wonder
How Many Lay Alone,
On A Cold Christmas Eve
In A Land Far From Home.

The Very Thought
Brought A Tear To My Eye,
I Dropped To My Knees
And Started To Cry.

The Soldier Awakened
And I Heard A Rough Voice,
“Santa Don’t Cry,
This Life Is My Choice;

I Fight For Freedom,
I Don’t Ask For More,
My Life Is My God,
My Country, My Corps.”

The Soldier Rolled Over
And Drifted To Sleep,
I Couldn’t Control It,
I Continued To Weep.

I Kept Watch For Hours,
So Silent And Still
And We Both Shivered
From The Cold Night’s Chill.

I Didn’t Want To Leave
On That Cold, Dark, Night,
This Guardian Of Honor
So Willing To Fight.

Then The Soldier Rolled Over,
With A Voice Soft And Pure,
Whispered, “Carry On Santa,
It’s Christmas Day, All Is Secure.”

One Look At My Watch,
And I Knew He Was Right.
“Merry Christmas My Friend,
And To All A Good Night.”

Written by Lance Corporal James M. Schmidt in 1986. Printed in Leatherneck (The Magazines for the Marines) in December 1991.

Compliments of Pookie’s Special Ed teacher, a list of ways to reduce Holiday stress for a child with Special Needs:

For Car Trips:

1. Travel in 2 cars so that someone can return home with a child who gets distressed.

2. Eat before you leave, or bring a snack along.

3. Bring a quiet toy, such as a calculator or coloring book

For Social Gatherings:

1. Arrive early to let your child get accustomed to the growing number of people.

2. If he/she becomes distressed, find a quiet place to chill, or go for a walk.

3. Bring a favorite toy from home.

4. Before the event, take time to look at pictures of the people you will see, talking about each person and learning their name.

5. Before the event, do “Social Stories” and practice simple courtesy phrases and responses to questions (How are you? I am fine. How is school. Its Fun.)

6. Let trusted others spend time with your child to help.

7. Its OK to be selective in the events you attend.

For Shopping Trips:

1. Go early, before the stores open. Walk around, get familiar with the building, buy a snack, look at the fountain, etc. Maybe you stay and shop, maybe you go home right then. Increase the time spent at the mall each time.

2. Be positive and offer small rewards for staying close.

3. Teach your child not to touch things when shopping. Visit a clothing store or another store with unbreakable items first. Give your child a chance to model behavior and practice.

4. Bring a helper to offer an extra set of eyes and hands, to help keep your kids safe.

5. Provide earplugs or headphones to moderate noise and activity around them.

For Church:

1. Bring a family member or friend to stay with your other kids, if you need to walk outside with your child.

2. Bring a quiet object of concentration or visual focus, like pictures, books or stuffed animals.

3. Give your child a job, like greeting people, gathering up bulletins left in the pews after the service, etc.

This is a great list. I wish someone would write a list of how to make the holidays less chaotic and stressful for typically developing children. Oh wait! This list might work for that too! Huh, it seems we have found another way in which Special Needs children are just like their typically developing peers.

On a serious note, I do like this list. These are things that would be helpful for both Pookie and Geetle. The underlying message in this list is that if we put as much effort into giving our children opportunities to behave as we put into yelling at them after the fact, our children will behave. It takes forethought and planning to do these things, take snacks for the trip, bring books, practice successful shopping trips, etc. But it pays off big time.

BAGD does all our night time feedings.  He rocks.

For his sake, I want Giggles to start sleeping through the night soon.

Everyone works best if they have a goal, so I am giving Giggles one.

January 8th.

Pookie and Geetle started sleeping through the night when they were 10 1/2 weeks old.  If you want to beat them, Giggles you will have to be sleeping through by January 8th.

Go to it, and good luck.

Yesterday Giggles was very sleepy.  Sunday was a big day, we went to Iowa for a Christmas party.  She did great at the party and in the car.  But she seemed to be affected today.  She was very sleepy.  By the end of the day, she had eaten at 5am, 9am, 2pm, and 5pm.   Since she was otherwise OK, we did not worry too much.  Then she snuck in another feeding before she went to bed at 7:30, so we were feeling even better.   Total so far today has been 20 ounces.  She will have another bottle at 10-11pm before we go to bed and probably one middle of the night bottle after midnight.  So, her total for today will be about 24 ounces.   I think the trauma from Sunday’s party caused her to eat less, she would usually have had another 4-5 ounce feeding, taking her total to 28 ounces if it were a normal day.

We never know if thats enough.  When Pookie and Geetle were young, they kept asking for more and we kept givin’ it.   They were never chubby kids, if all the formula caused anything, it would have to be their excessive height, not weight.  But Giggles seems to be a daintier eater.  She eats just fine, but she seems to want less than they did.  I have judged Giggle’s formula consumption against alot of different charts.  They all say she is OK.   This chart is the first one I have seen that gives a logical reason for the numbers.  They say that a good rule of thumb is to multiply your baby’s weight by 2.5 to determine the target ounces they should consume.   Giggles was 10.5 lb 2 weeks ago.  So, her normal consumtion of 28 ounces is just about right.

2 weeks ago, I went for my 6 week-after the baby check up.  I needed to come back in two weeks, so I stopped by the front desk on my way out.   The lady at the desk is very chatty…too chatty.  Once she said something to me like “You have BlueCross Advantage?  They should cover your IUD.  That lady that just walked in…she told me Blue Advantage covered her IUD.”   It would have been funnier if she had handed me a HIPPA pamphlet right afterwards.

But anyway, back to my story.  So, last week she made me an appointment for this Wednesday at 1:30.    I like 1:30.  I made all my prenatal appointments at 1:30.  Its just enough time to get to the Drs office after I put Pookie on the bus and just enough time to get back before Geetle’s bus comes home.  Perfect.   So when we made this appointment, she said that the calendar looked light, there were no other filled appointments between 10am and mine at 1:30.  She said the Dr. might want to “compress” his schedule, so don’t be surprised if they call me in a few weeks and ask me to change the time.    You know, he won’t want to stick around for one late appointment, giggle giggle, she said.  I said, whatever, I will burn that bridge when I come to it.

Well, she called me twice today.  Once to change my appointment from 1:30 to 1:00 and another time to pressure me into taking an even earlier appointment.  The reason? She said “the doctor has a case at the hospital.”  really.  you don’t say.

Don’t lie to me now when you told me the real reason 2 weeks ago Chatty Cathy!

So, as of right now, my appointment is 12:30.  But I expect Chatty to call Wednesday morning and cancel it for me.  I really hate doctors.  Its really a lose-lose for me now.  Either the doctor tells her to cancel my appointment or he agrees to stick around and see me, in which case I have to worry that he is holding a grudge.  Last thing you want is an OB/Gyne with a grudge.  Its sort of like when we fear making a waiter mad, in case he retaliates by spitting in our soup.  I really don’t want my OB/Gyne mad at me.

Compliments of  someone who I think calls themselves “Buddhahead”, here is a complete list of Pinky and the Brain “Are you Pondering what I am Pondering” list.   My favorites:

“Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?”
I think so, Brain, but me and Pippi Longstocking — I mean, what would the children look like?

“Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?”
Wuh, I think so, Brain, but isn’t Regis Philbin already married?

“Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?”
Wuh, I think so, Brain, but if we didn’t have ears, we’d look like weasels.

“Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?”
I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this hour?

 We have been coasting along for several years.  We set our current holiday routine several years ago.  We go to my parents’ on Xmas Eve, home for Xmas morning, then to BAGD’s parents’ for the rest of the day.  When Aunt Shel got married, I knew there was a chance that the routine might get shaken up.  Afterall, she would have inlaws to visit and that might affect when she could meet us at BAGD’s parents’.  There could be ripple effects causing changes in the party at my parents’ house, which could affect my brothers’ plans, etc.

As it turns out, Shel and Mark slipped right into the existing plan and we are making no changes for the holiday, on either side of my family.  Holiday routines and traditions can be a sticky subject and cause lots of stress.  This is a good article on how to deal with the subject.x

Funny and wrong

Today is my first day back to work.  A monumentous day, indeed.  But a few things to know:

1.  I work at home, in the basement, part-time.

2.  BAGD also works at home in the basement.

3.  My company issued laptop is all messed up and I “need my drives re-mapped” whatever that means. 

So, I am unable to do any real work and I am sitting here watching BAGD “work” as he rocks out to some 80’s hair band radio station on the internet.  Seems just like a regular night, nothing special, except that today is my first day back and already have a Friday deadline for something.

I am officially on the clock, but can do no real work without my laptop.  So, should I feel guilty?  My company is “paper-light” meaning that we do not use paper files, all data is stored in an electronic database.  When that database is off-line or my laptop is having problems, I don’t get any work done.   But I still log the hours (I get paid hourly).  Is that wrong?  I always feel guilty, but BAGD says not to.  This is my regularly scheduled work time, and I am sitting here ready to work, but the Help Desk is still working on my laptop remotely, so I cannot do anything.   If I were in the actual office, and not at home, I would be crouched in my friend Beth’s cubicle gossiping with her, ocassionally standing up to ask our cube-neighbors “Is the system back up yet?” 

wrong or right?

We stopped at a fabric store this weekend to pick up supplies for our Christmas decorations. While I paid, BAGD stood off to the side with Giggles and Pookie. A very nice teenage clerk walked over to google at the baby. I heard her say to BAGD “I want a baby, but you know, not really. I’d want to play with it, but when it came time to change the diapers, I’d be like, her you go, you take her back! Haha.”

I laughed a bit, quietly to myself. Changing diapers is not the hard part. I would change hundreds of diapers a day, if it meant fewer back to back feedings. Or if it meant never having to agonize over what each cry means or if the baby is bundled up warm enough, but not too warm. Or if I could trade it for a predictable nap and feeding schedule. Funny.