Be A Good Mom

Pookie has been a ball of energy lately…well, more like for the past 5 years. But he has definitely turned it up a notch recently, especially at the table. He pops out of his dinner chair, darts to the kitchen, twirls twice and then begins a script from Dragon Tales. He “falls” out of his chair, in response to the silent Jack and Jill episode running thru his head. He slowly creeps to the edge of his dinner chair, until we finally notice he is not sitting at all.

Our response was to make and use what we call “The Boy Sitter.”

The Boy Sitter makes boys sit. It is a panel of cloth, sewn at each end, with dried bean-filled channels. Pookie wears it over his lap at the table and the weight/pressure reminds him to sit. Its that simple. He does not mean to wander away from his chair, he literally sometimes just forgets to stay sitting. He likes it; if it slips off during dinner, he will pick it up and put it back on his lap.

I made this one. It took about a half yard of fabric and 7-8 bags of dried kidney beans. Ours is pretty heavy, but it will be easy to cut the end open, remove some beans, and make it lighter as we wean him off of it. A quicker solution is a pillow case filled with beans or rice, knotted at the end. The purpose is the same, a physical reminder to help a child remain seated. Its very useful for a child with autism, but would be good for anyone.

Wiggly kids in church? How ’bout a Catholic Sitter?

Wandering kids in the doctors office waiting room? Try a Sickie Sitter!

Overzealous parents jumping up and down and jiggling your Diet Coke bottle as you sit in the bleachers at your kids baseball game? Slap on an Inconsiderate Idiot Sitter!

Geetle took this picture of Pookie, Giggles and I today.  Pretty good, I think.

Before you hire her to do your wedding,  you should know that she also took these:

this is Pookie’s new buzz cut, up close.

this is a picture of Giggles and Pookie.  “The marker box got in there a little bit, Mom” she said.

This one sells itself.  Her comment was “Mom!  I got him picking his nose!  Cool!”   So, unless you want a picture of yourself trying to dig out a tuxedo wedgie or with your wedding day falsies showing, I would not hire her.  She is more country newspaper or papparazzi material, I think.

Know what guarantees a bad day?  Having to see your 5 year old wearing bus safety harness that makes him look like a parachutist caught in a tree.

This happened yesterday and it was a hard afternoon for me.

Pookie rides a bus to preschool, a regular yellow school bus, with lapbelts.  On the way to school, he likes to sit in the way back row, on the drivers side.  He has ridden the bus for almos 2 years and things have gone well. He wet his pants on the bus once or twice.  He refuses to wave to me in the window.  But, all in all, an OK experience. 

On the Monday and Tuesday after Spring Break he was naughty on the bus.  He unbuckles his seat belt.  He stood on his seat and leaned over the seat in front.  He changed seats, he crawled on the floor.  He had done this type of thing one other time this year, but I talked to him and he stopped.  His actions on Tuesday really freaked out the bus driver.  She is a nice lady, but she (understandably) got upset when he stood on the seat and tried to sommersault over the seat in front of him. 

So, the transportation department called me and they recommended that he wear a harness on the bus.  Recommended, but really demanded because if he refuses and does it one more time, they will deny him bus service.  It was right after Spring Break and I know he is a bit more animated this week because he is not back into his routine yet. So, I thought if we talked to him it would settle down and we would not need to do the harness.  I figured by the time they got their act together and got the harness he would be behaving.

Well, the bus driver showed up yesterday with the harness.  Less than 24 hour turn around.  We agreed to let him ride to school in the harness, but wanted to talk to the transportation department about options.  This harness is a canvas vest with 4 steel rings, one at each shoulder and one at each hip.  The steel rings clip on to hooks mounted on the seat.  So, he is literally bolted to the bus seat.  He could not even move to touch his shoes.  Its not a nice thing to see your kid in.  But, the transportation people said it was the only option.

I made some phone calls and got the transportation people to hear me out.  I explained that we did not want the harness because we wanted him to learn to behave without props.  He never misbehaves in a car and actually never misbehaves on the afternoon bus, just that route.  The transportation director understood our goals.  I asked her if I could sew a sleeve for the seat belt buckle.  I think that if the buckle is covered, he won’t mess with it.  They agreed to let us try.

So, last night Pookie and I went to the fabric store and got some sturdy twill and some velcro.  I made a sleeve to wrap around the seat belt buckle and hide it.  I tucked the sides, so that the unit won’t slide off the seat belt.  We also talked to him about being naughty on the bus.  I do not intend to show him the seat buckle cover or really even talk about it with him.  I do not want him to get too comfortable with it.  I will put it on every day and the teacher will take it off when the bus gets to school.  I don’t want him to touch it at all.  I am hoping that it will be just enough interference to keep him from unbuckling the seatbelt and he will find something else to do on the bus to occupy his time. 

I really hope that it works.  I think it will.  I need it to.  I can’t bear to see him in that harness again. 

Pookie and Geetle dress themselves every morning, often before 6:30 am.  So, now that I am not in charge of picking out their clothes, a little bit of Heck has broken loose.  Geetle pairs fuschia wind pants with pink and turquiose striped turtlenecks.  She wears pants under dresses.  She layers, but not always the way you might think.  Pookie, on the other hand, loves blue.  He will wear other colors, but if there is a blue shirt available, he goes for it.  Every time.
I am VERY good at keeping up with the laundry (if I do say so myself) so that meant that often the kids had access to any piece of clothing they wanted every day.  It was not uncommon for them to wear it on Monday, me wash it on Tuesday and them wear it again on  Wednesday.  Not a good pattern for a boy who we fear could become too rigid with things like “favorite blue shirts” (common for autism.)  Not a good thing for a girl with alot of clothes, but just a few true favorites.  So many nice things never made it out of her closet, while she wore the same weird combinations every week.

So, it was time for an experiment.  What if I washed the clothes, but did not return them to the closet?   Hmmm.

Its been almost 4 weeks now.  They wear it.  I wash it.  I keep it in the basement.

I take up pajamas, underwear, socks and pants.  So, really all I am hiding is the hanging clothes.  Three and a half weeks and there are still quality outfits coming out of their closet every day.  Things I have not seen them wear since the day I bought it…or the last time I was in charge of picking out clothes!  Oh the variety!  Today, Geetle has paired a summer tank top with a turtle neck!  Cute!  Pookie has chosen a white and green polo shirt….not a speck of blue on it anywhere!  And they are both happy, and oblivious to the experiment.

I learned something from this experiment too.

My kids have too many clothes.

Granted, I buy big, so there are somethings in the closet that are on their 3rd season.  And we get some hand-me-downs, so that bulks up the closet unexpectedly a few times a year.  But, I think maybe I buy too much.  Or, I buy things that they won’t wear unless its an emergency.  Or things that require too much upkeep and therfore never make it out of the closet.  I barely iron my own clothes.  I am not ironing little tiny oxfords for Pookie.  I know that, but somehow I buy at least one a year.

As I get ready to unveil the summer wardrobes, I will remember this experiment.  Not only will I be smarter with my purchases, I will not feel obligated to accept all hand-me-down and wear  them at least once.  I will thin out the closet and make it easier for all of us.

 Ahhhh.  Forced quality time with your siblings.  Warms a mother’s heart.

I don’t know if you will find any events you can participate in, but no matter where you are, you can think today. 

Think of Pookie and how much we love him. 

Think of how his life will be different, but not invaluable. 

Think of the challenges Geetle and Giggles will face as they try to figure out what they see every day at home. 

Think of BAGD and I and how much extra time, effort, money and stress we face every day. 

Think of Pookie and how he is really happy to be who he is.  Its only the rest of the world who tells him its not quite “normal.”

Think of those “naughty” kids you saw at the mall and the parents that did not seem to even try to “control” them. 

Think about how those parents might be silently parenting the whole time, letting a boy be a boy, letting him blow off some steam, or just taking a break from the minute-by-minute efforts required to parent him. 

Think of how you would be morbidly embarassed if you showed up at a party and someone else was wearing the same dress as you. 

Think about how you want to be unique and stand out in a crowd, but are uncomfortable when someone acts “odd” around you. 

Think about how autism is an illness.  Think about how Pookie never asked for it, but he would rather have autism than not have a voice for singing or strong legs for jumping up and down. 

Think about how glad you are that society accepts us and our family and friends love us no matter what. 

If you want to do something for Autism today.  Send a few bucks to a charity searching for a cure.  I don’t know any, because I don’t have time to join the movement; I am too busy raising my kids.  The work they do is important and because I don’t have time to send them my efforts or money, I would be glad if you did. 

But if you really want to do something for autism today, seek out someone who will welcome your help personally.  Take a kid to the park, ask a teacher if she wants you to cut out PECS cards, give a parent a break, sincerely smile at a family under stress, pay for a park and rec class with an aide, sit down and draw with a kid, talk back with the echolalia, etc.