BAGD is the hardest-working man in fatherhood. This week, a typical week, he did the grocery shopping, climbed into the attic 3 times to investigate a potential leak, cleaned out the nasty hamster cage, took each of the kids shopping (individually) for a new fish, worked thru a 90 minute throw-down temper tantrum with Pookie, repaired some mysterious broken part on our dishwasher, made 6 ponytails, cleaned out a part of the dryer’s lint trap that I did not know even existed, worked his regular 40 hr a week job, did some overtime on another project, helped one of his blog friends fix her page load speed, took time off to meet Pookie’s new teacher, cleaned the bathrooms and came with me to a preschool birthday party because it was at a bowling alley and I am not supposed to be throwing bowling balls at this point in my pregnancy. I am sure he also did some laundry, took out the garbage, cleaned up toys and loaded the dishwasher a few times. I don’t even keep track of those routine things. He probably drove me to Mamaw’s or my parent’s house at least once too. He always does the big driving. Luckily, swimming lessons are over for the season, of that would have been 2 trips downtown this week too. Busy week. Normal week.
But being busy is not necessarily what its all about. Sure, he keeps busy, but is that all? No, its not. He is fully in the game. Typical gender roles dictate that I be the lead caregiver and household manager. But is that what we really have here? I act like I am in charge, but I am in no position to boss him around. He is just as much in charge as I am. He does not just phone it in. He is clocked in and ready to go. I am not trying to make it look like “he is a big help to me.” What I am saying is that is half of everything that goes on around here. He is not my parenting assistant. He is not my household vice president. Sure, we each have our spheres of influence, but those are defined by our capabilities, skills and interests, not antiquated gender roles.
You know how women get together and sometimes the conversation turns to husband-bashing? When I find myself in those kind of conversations, I have to make things up. Its peer pressure. No one would believe me if I told them the truth. He’s the best.
I love you BAGD.
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I am very proud that my big brother is such an AMAZING father and husband!…You are also FANTASTIC! “My Mark” and I look to you two as a model of what we want our family life to be! Love you lots!
I know exactly what you have at home. And I agree that it is hard to sit in on the husband bashings. I find that I receive some of the most grotesque stares when I boast about all the “help” I get around the house.
He is actually the reason I found your blog. My very own BAGD was looking for a publication that was targeted toward fathers like the ones our children have. All he could find were articles here and there in parenting magazines that instructed a man on how to “help” his wife with the baby.
I think BAGD told me you had emailed him looking for a magazine like that. He asked me if I knew of one. I don’t, but there should be one.
You know what’s funny? BAGD had his blog long before I did. Its always been called BeaGoodDad. You’d be surprised how many people refer to him as “she” in links or emails. He once wrote a post about the fact that raising twins is completely do-able, depending on your attitude, and someone commented and said he was being too naive and obviously was NOT a mother of twins. We laughed at that one…he wrote her back and confessed…he was not a mother of twins. Haha!
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